choices

Summer in Ireland…. an opportunity for acceptance.

| Mairead

25 7a

(Raindrops…)

We’re back home again and I’m wondering what happened to the sunshine and hight temperatures. Just a few hours east of here the sun is shining and some people are complaining about the heat. They are perspiring from the inside while we are being precipitated on from the outside. At this moment I think it would be great to have sunny weather all the time but I know I’d get fed up with it. I know I’d start complaining. I know I’d start fantasizing about soft rain on my sun-burned face…. Wouldn’t it be so much more useful if I realised that what is here right now isn’t too bad? What is here right now is what someone else (even me on a hot sunny day) wants?

25 7b

(Ducks like rain)

There’s a quote from Eckart Tolle (The Power of Now), “When you are in a state of gratitude for what is … that is really what being wealthy means”. He’s talking about acceptance, when you are content with what’s right in front of you, you are rich. So I’m going to practice being content with this type of summer….. I’ll start with my thinking: I got a little too much sun in Bletchley Park and this cooler weather is very calming for the burning…. There’s no way I can cut the grass in this rain, I’ll have to do something more relaxing, instead…. Isn’t it great we have no flies buzzing in through every open window? It’s so much easier to go walking in this cool air….

25 7c

(Isn’t that pretty?)

Feeling richer already! Byron Katie (Loving What Is and http://www.thework.com) has lots of quotes about this, it’s her main theme, but here’s one…“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” So for today I’m not going to argue with the reality of the weather. The weather is all around me physically and visually, so making friends with it might be enlightening.

Love the soft rain dripping down your face, Mairead.

Ode to the girls….

| Mairead

17 7a

(Contentment –  even with green hair)

I’m back home now and I’m hen-less and egg-less. Will go to the supermarket later for the eggs but we won’t be getting hens. Some people and animals come into your life for just a short time and then they leave. But not before passing on a message or a lesson. What I can remember best from the hens is their one step after the other approach to life…… Sure they were cautious, but once the danger (usually me) passed by or stopped and backed away, then they continued one step after the other.

17 7b

(Take the next step)

Another thing about the hens, they did their own foraging. Each day I presented them with a shovelful of feed and some “treats” but that wasn’t all they ate. They spent a lot of their time scratched around for tasty worms and insects. They could have so easily sat back and eaten the food provided but they took nourishment into their own hands, they maintained their independence and probably their good health.

17 7c

(Celebrate the mistake)

Although I let them out in the mornings (or in the afternoon if I wanted an egg) I didn’t put them back in their pen, they went back in themselves, in their own time. I locked the gate when I found them tucked up together in their house. And the eggs… whenever possible they left their eggs in a place of their choosing, where I never found them.

17 7e

(Find the beauty)

They remind me of Dr. Viktor Frankl who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning having survived life in a concentration camp. Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Viktor E. Frankl.

He could easily have included hens, Mairead.

Wherever I go, there I am.

| Mairead

16 7a

(The girls up-close)

I drove to the local town this morning. Well it had been a while since’s my last coffee shop and I thought I’d better keep up the habit. Also, there might be an opportunity to talk to someone…. There was. I met a Spanish woman. She was from the north-west of Spain and was living in Ireland. As you can imagine I wondered how she was coping with the weather, so I asked. It rains as much in her part of Spain as it does in Ireland but it’s the cold wind she doesn’t like. Then I got talking to two lovely women in the second-hand bookshop. For little or nothing I got an English school book and two hardback craft books.

16 7b

(Another egg!)

Afterwards I came home and let the hens out. They were very happy to see me and stayed close so I could take a picture. I’m going to miss them when I leave. I’m also going to miss walking out in the garden and being surrounded by trees with only the sounds of the stream and the wild birds. That always calms me and it doesn’t seem to matter if its raining. I’ve been reading another book this week called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, where the author spends a year researching how she can become happier. She’s concerned she doesn’t appreciate what she has and gets quite short-tempered with her husband and her children. In the book for each month she choses a theme and then sets herself several tasks. For example, in January the theme is Boost Energy and one of the tasks is Go to sleep earlier; May’s theme is Be Serious about Play and one of the tasks, Find more fun. 

16 7d

(The first ripe tomato in the greenhouse)

Anyway, I haven’t finished reading yet but it’s quite an entertaining book and I’m sure I’ll refer to it again (she has a blog at http://www.happiness-project.com). In everything we read (or hear or see) our own message jumps out at us and here in the wilderness I have been in the perfect place to notice a message for me. I thought living in the middle of nowhere on my own would be very different to living in a town with my family. For starters I thought I’d get lots done, I thought there would be fewer distractions (turns out I adore distractions and create them when there’s none!) Of course, it is a very different experience, on the outside, just not on the inside. Wherever I go I bring my habits and patterns with me and a new location doesn’t change that.

16 7e

(A very graceful flower)

The message I got (so far) from The Happiness Project? It doesn’t matter where you are you can be happy (or not), you can be productive (or not), you can be distracted (or not) it’s up to you to choose. The location doesn’t choose for you. I also like the quote, from Enjoy now, one of March’s tasks, “The fun part doesn’t come later, now is the fun part.”

I’m back home now, Mairead.

Sunshine, water and an excellent lawnmower.

| Mairead

(Some blue sky)

Yesterday provided a few little challenges for me… or maybe I provided them myself. It was sunny again so I figured this was a perfect opportunity to cut the grass. Two days of rain followed by a day of sunshine caused a grass growth spurt and I could only imagine how much taller it would grow if left unattended. (Maybe that was my first mistake… imagining something bad.) So, I put down my reading and went in search of the lawn mower. It was a petrol one and I’d used one before so I pressed the button in the front three times, moved the safety handle to the main handle and pulled the string. It started first time, excellent. That was the last excellent of the experience.

(This tree is the cat’s favourite scratching post)

Although I did notice that the garden was big, I only noticed it in an appreciative way… what great space and what wonderful possibilities. I didn’t notice it in the square yardage kind of way. I had completed about a tenth of the area when I decide to take a break. Thinking I had been cutting for at least an hour I checked the clock… twenty minutes had passed. Even though that probably indicated the whole job could be finished in three and a half hours and not ten, I still felt disappointed… it would feel like ten hours! This might have been a good time to stop cutting the grass. Instead, I had a big glass of water along with a couple of pages of reading and then returned to the job.

(Seedlings in the greenhouse)

A few more twenty-minute slots (remarkably I always seemed to be ready for a break in twenty-minute slots) and I came across a conundrum. In order to water the plants in the greenhouse there was a garden hose running between it and the outside tap. It ran across the lawn. When I realised it was in my path I wondered what the best possible course of action might be. I wondered would I un-plug the hose and lay it beside the lawn until I had finished cutting. I wondered would I just ignore it – it lay in a shallow groove which could mean it had been in place for previous cuttings. I wondered would I lift the lawn mower over it, like lifting a buggy up over some steps. I wondered all this while continuing to cut the grass. (Notice I didn’t stop to make a decision…. I continued to cut which was also a decision) And before long I was cutting more than the grass. I cut the garden hose. It was spectacular and very wet (the water pressure here is excellent.)

(Great sprinkler… not so great garden hose)

I changed my clothes and then continued to cut the grass but my heart wasn’t in it. I was imagining how the plants in the greenhouse would die because I couldn’t water them. I’d seen two watering cans in the shed but what if they were the special watering cans used only for weed killer, there might be some weedkiller left in them, I couldn’t use them either. I was very glad of the distraction of a phone call from my friend. In a very unsympathetic tone she asked Why would you cut the grass? I’m going back to my Stop Thinking Start Living book, it’s possible I’ve been thinking too much….

Oh for the simple life, living in the country with some cats and some hens…. oh yea, Mairead.

Walking in baby steps.

| Mairead

(Which path?)

I’m navigating my surroundings today by walking. There are lots of pathways through the forest and I’ve been walking along them. Sometimes I come to a side junction and although it’s tempting to take it I’ve been sticking to the main paths. It seems I need to get the basic pattern of the forest into my system before I branch out. The other thing I’ve been doing is looking down. The path surface is quite rutted and uneven so I’ve been taking care not to miss my footing. I’ve been taking baby steps.

(Grassy path)

That got me thinking….. about creating new behaviours – like taking up healthy eating or even healthy thinking or getting more exercise. When I start something new, I always expect to get it right first time or else I’m really annoyed with myself. I always expect to be as proficient at doing the new thing as I am about thinking about doing it. It might be more useful to take baby steps.

(Uneven path)

So, for example, a possible new behaviour like get more exercise. Before I start I would have to get specific. So, what is the desired new behaviour? I want to walk. How much do you want to walk? Well, I’ve heard that twenty-minute walks are a good start so I want to walk twenty minutes, twice a day. Okay then I begin. The first day always goes well, I’m highly motivated. By day three I’m increasing the time to forty minutes and possibly the frequency to twice as often…. By day twelve I have a list of excuses why I’m not good at exercise and I haven’t been out in days. This is the time for the baby steps.

 

(Path ahead?)

Baby steps are kind and gentle. When the baby toddler stumbles while teetering from chair to chair and falls flat on his face, do you say, You big slob! You’ve been doing this toddler thing for days and you’re still falling! No, but you say it to yourself. You big slob, you haven’t been out for a walk for days, you’ll never get healthy! Baby steps are different. Baby steps say, Ah sweetie, did you find it hard to keep up the walking? Up you get now, go out the door and start again. Baby steps encourage you to do what you can when you can, no more no less and without the mean attitude!

Be nice to yourself, Mairead.

Report from the Wilderness.

| Mairead

(River on one side)

I’m out in the wilderness for a while….. and I don’t mean metaphorically. I’m living in the middle of the forest with a lake on one side of the road and a river on the other. There are hens in the garden, cats in the house and goldfish in the bowl. Although I haven’t seen them yet there are also deer over the fence.

(Beautiful flora, foxglove I think)

I arrived about an hour ago and unpacked my life. It’s been interesting to see what my life consists of….. computer, phone, food, clothes, stuff to wash and soften (!) my skin and hair, books (even though there are hundreds of books here) and crafting materials. Apart from feeding myself and the animals I am free to follow my heart’s desire.

(Lake on the other)

When I choose to come here I did wonder to what purpose I would use this wonderful opportunity. Would I write a book? (Probably a bit optimistic it will only be two weeks!) Would I learn to paint? Would I go for long walks? Would I learn some new vegetarian recipes? Would I read a full book in one sitting? Would I go back to watching TV? Would I sleep? A lot? What would I love to do while I’m here?

(A path running through the middle)

Turns out I probably don’t have to answer those questions in advance (although I do have to bring the ingredients to do any of them.) I can just allow my choice to unfold… a little at a time. At this time my heart’s desire is to write.

What’s your heart’s desire, at this moment? Mairead.

PS Both my mother and mother-in-law’s heart’s desire is more words in the blog (well I think that’s what they meant, “..the pictures are alright but…”) Ask and you may well receive….

Fear and Hand Holding in Swansea…..

| Mairead

2

(Butterfly enjoying the sun)

The last stop on our Round the United Kingdom, Short Motorbike Tour was Swansea. We went there to attend our daughter’s end of year exhibition. Twelve movies in one evening… don’t worry they were short, about five minutes each. Ciara wrote and directed her movie and she also had an acting role. She played a lesbian. The evening before one of her friends asked her if she was afraid that people would think she was gay. She said she had worried about that for the previous six months…. it was too late now. It was more important to get her message out there, afraid or not, other people’s judgements or not.

3

(Butterfly enjoying some lavender)

When you want to follow your dream, and live your life with purpose, there are sometimes scary things you’ll need to do. And you’ll wonder if this is a good idea…. this sharing of your dream, your wishes, your message, your contribution to healing the world. What will people think? What will they say? How will they treat you? Will they be different? Will they ever speak to you again? Will they understand? Will their judgement resonate with your own judgement of yourself… and make it impossible for you to continue….. when they think you’re not good enough?

1

(Mosaic butterfly in garden at Bloom)

I will include a link so you can watch Ciara’s movie, if you choose. If you do watch you may hear her message. You may understand her message. Or you may miss her message. You may think she is brave. You may think she’s foolhardy.  You may get stuck in wondering if she’s gay or not.  Whatever you get from the watching, one thing I have learned from my judgement of others is that my thoughts and words say more about me than they do about the one I judge. That’s what I got from watching movies on a warm Friday night in Swansea.

What are you saying about yourself? Mairead.

Love Letters, a movie by Ciara Hennessy.

My garden is in the work phase.

| Mairead

1

(Not my garden… another view of the Birds and Bees garden at Bloom)

The sun is shining and it was very easy to get out of bed, not least because I’m off on an adventure with Ashleigh and Megan today. I’m not too sure where we’re going (the location has changed three times since Monday:)) but I will bring my camera and if there’s any good shots you’ll see them tomorrow. This reminds me of how excited I was to get out of bed when I was pulling weeds in the garden. Since we got back from holidays I kinda forgot about the gardening. I did have a quick dig on bank holiday Monday but for some reason the excitement has gone out of it and all that remains is the work….

2

(Not my garden yet… also from Bloom)

I do know that I enjoy digging and pulling and planting and watering. I know that I like the colour that appears within days or weeks of  sowing and watering a plant. I know there’s huge satisfaction when an area that was overgrown is cleared. It’s just that in this middle phase there’s no excitement and my garden is in the middle phase. The excitement was in the beginning when the possibilities were huge and the work was small. The excitement was in the impact I was making very quickly and….. could more be possible? The excitement was in the energy I had and the energy I was willing to expand.

4

(Not my garden either… also from Bloom)

Willing to expand energy is a different thing than expanding energy. One is a promise and the other is work. In the work phase the promise comes to haunt me. A promise I made to myself and to others. A promise I see in the before pictures. A promise that I really want to keep, really. In the work phase it’s only this promise that keeps me going. Not going in a light and happy way but in a heavy guilt and shame-filled way.

5

(Probably never my garden… that’s a rabbit hutch on the left under the raised bed and it leads to a rabbit hole in the middle of the lawn… very cute… from Bloom)

And then I look at my garden and I see no monster forcing me to keep my promise. I see no signs that I will be punished. The garden will carry on as before whether I do the work or not. The plants already sown will flower. The older ones will even search for water on their own. The weeds will thrive again and all will be well in the garden. It is not the garden that pushes me to fulfil my promise, it is myself. My dream, my hope, my intention to have something I want. Somehow I need to let this sustain me in the work phase, guilt and shame-free.

Working it, Mairead.

Kilruddery Food Market has crafts?

| Mairead

Fiona

(Fiona from Treasurepalace)

Yesterday for our Saturday date we went to Killruddery Food Market. I think it just started this weekend, but I could be wrong. Anyway, this is the first we’ve heard of it and it will be running once a month. Killruddery House is just outside Bray, Co. Wicklow and the market is in the stables and that stables were in The Tudors (the television series, not necessarily the time in history… although I don’t know that for sure either.) There are vegetables and olives and crepes and Irish buffalo mozzarella cheese and lots more. I queued up for the crepes while Denis got the coffees. While we were sitting in one of the stables eating and drinking, I noticed a huge barn with more stalls.

Treasurepalace

(Old stuff made beautiful)

It was the secret craft barn (well not really a secret… and there were other things beside crafts…. but I like the idea of a secret craft barn so that’s what it is…) Inside we found vintage tin toys and jewellery and Fiona and Lynn. I took lots of pictures until I got to Fiona and then there was lots of talking instead. Fiona and her friend Sarah (Sarah was celebrating elsewhere with street parties and bunting… I think) started Treasurepalace Designs (http://www.treasurepalacedesigns.com) because they love making old stuff look beautiful. They sell the beautiful looking stuff. It’s another one of those “follow your dream” stories, you can read more about them on their website. Right next to Fiona was Lynn (http://www.celtoscroiprints.com) and she makes linocut prints. I love linocut printing, yum.

Lynn

(Lynn and some of her linocut printing)

Now the funny thing is that at noon the previous day I got a call from my friend Julie, she’d got last-minute free tickets to go to Bloom, the garden show at the Phoenix Park in Dublin. So off we headed in Friday afternoon bank holiday traffic. Julie is a bit of a storyteller so within just three stories we had arrived and were looking at the most beautiful display gardens.

Birds and Bees

(The Birds and The Bees garden at Bloom. Ben Landers, a young gardener, had a dream and this is what he made)

After the gardens and on our way to look at the rest of the site I noticed there was a craft area. Hat makers, basket makers, Fán Regan (www.theprintingrooms.com) a linocut printer, Karolina (http://www.karoArt.eu/) making wonderful ceramic art, Tunde Toth (www.tundetothpaperart.blogspot.com) and her helper making a huge flowers from raw silk, paper and some rain proof wax.

Tunde

(Tunde Toth

The funny thing? Well… recently I realised it was time to put my attention on my love of crafts and making craft things and within weeks I was meeting people who were already doing it, I was applying to go on an arts and crafts course and I was surrounded by reminders that setting your intention allows paths to what you want to pop up where you least expect them. Crafts at a garden show? Impossible! Crafters at a food market? Crazy….. or is it?

Vintage Toys

(The vintage tin toys www.simplytoysireland.com)

So I’ll be writing and crafting from now on, how great is that? Might have taken a few years to get here but it feels so good it could even be worth the wait. Wait if you want or start now, it’s up to you.

Linocut

(Fán’s lino and cutting tools, sigh)

What do you want? Mairead.