patterns

Don’t just say No – feel it!

| Mairead

(Spot the difference?)

I was at my friend Ashleigh’s (www.timeforbusywomen.com) workshop on Saturday. It was held in a beautiful setting in Co. Dublin. I really enjoyed it and I now feel very focused on my next project. On the day Ashleigh talked about a lot of things and one thing that struck me was what she called the “Internal No”.

(Ashleigh’s notebook, where she keeps all her quotes)

The way I understand it, this is something you can use when you want to change the dynamic of a relationship. The kind of relationship where you might have been saying “Yes” more than you want to? Or maybe the kind of relationship where you have been saying “No” but you haven’t been heard? Where your “no” turns into a “well, no, not really, oh well, ok then go ahead, alright yes”.

(Lunch at the workshop)

So, maybe you’re asked to work an extra shift. But you don’t want to and it doesn’t feel like you’ve been asked. It feels like you “have to ” say “Yes”. Using the Internal No, you get a strong sense of the “No” you’re already feeling. By that I mean you feel what “No” is physically to you. Too crazy? Do it even if it seems crazy! Do it even if you don’t know what I’m asking for and see what happens…..

(What’s different about these flowers?)

Because our body knows a lot more than our mind gives it credit for…… Stop thinking “No” and start feeling “No” and then, when it’s good and strong in your body, say it. Doesn’t have to be loud, definitely doesn’t have to be angry, it’s just a word you body is feeling right now. Honour your body! Say no!

(Shiny floor)

What’s your body feeling? Mairead.

PS can also be used with children, friends, dogs and even cats! Ashleigh is running another workshop in September.

The story of Zac and the pooh.

| Mairead

During December I spent some time with my nine year-old niece, who seems to attract trouble, skillfully! She has inspired me to write the following story. (By the way, my sister, her Mum, discovered that she had started to re-write the story using a new spelling for the stuff that was attracted to Zac. She guessed adults might not like the word poo….. I respect my neice’s wisdom so I have changed the spelling in the following version.)

Story for Caoimhe.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who had an unusual skin problem, pooh of all kinds was attracted to him. Wherever he went pooh flew to him like iron filings to a magnet. His Mum and Dad and his Granny cleaned off this pooh so that the boy could walk among the people of the village without being laughed at or shunned. But the boy hated this cleaning. He shouted and raged against his parents and Granny. You see he didn’t know that he was constantly covered in pooh and he didn’t smell it. One day he was so angry (about the cleaning) that he ran out into the garden and screamed and screamed. When he finally got tired of screaming he stopped and immediately heard a quiet voice whisper,

“Zac, would you like to see my magic mirror?”

Over by the compost heap stood a little fairy girl and in her hand was a tiny little mirror. The little boy was astonished because he had never seen a fairy before and he didn’t realise fairy’s could speak.

“Yes, please”, he whispered.

So the fairy girl held up the mirror in her two hands and Zac looked in, and for the first time he saw that he was covered in pooh. He jumped back in fright and landed in a patch of carrots, on his bum. He was very surprised and nearly missed what the fairy girl said next.

“Now Zac, look as I turn the mirror over.”

And he looked and what he saw was so… so…. so…. beautiful and so handsome and so lovely that he smiled – a very big smile. And when he smiled that very big smile he saw himself in the mirror shining like a bright light for everyone to see and admire. Then the fairy girl whispered,

“Zac, its time to let go of the pooh.”

But the little boy didn’t know how to do that so the fairy girl gave him instructions:

“First, every day for the next 21 days while your Mum and Dad and Granny clean off the pooh you have to stand very still. Second, after the 21 days are up, come out here and meet me again and I will give you my magic mirror and further instructions.”

Zac did exactly as he was told and 21 days later returned to the spot by the compost heap where the fairy girl was waiting. She held up the mirror and he saw how gorgeous he was and when the mirror was turned over he saw that he was gorgeous on that side too.

“How come I look so great on both sides, now?”, he asked…. and the fairy girl replied, “Because now, Zac, you are as beautiful on the outside as you always were on the inside.”

And the fairy girl gave Zac the mirror and told him to check from time to time how he was doing on the outside, but to always know that, “you are beautiful, radiant, and shining always, always, always on the inside, where it matters.”

From that day on only small bits of pooh clung to Zac and when he looked in the mirror and realised they were there, he stood still and cleaned them off, himself. But always, always when he looked at the other side of the mirror he was beautiful, handsome, gorgeous and radiant.

The End.

What programs are you running?

| Mairead

I’m reading a lot at the moment, and different ideas are popping into my head. I’ve started to call this “organic study.” One of the books I’ve been reading is called Using your Brain for a Change by Richard Bandler. He was the architect, back in the 70’s, along with John Grinder of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). There is one quote in the book which I particularly love,

“People aren’t broken, they work perfectly. The important question is, How do they work, now? So that you can help them to work perfectly in a way that is more pleasant and useful.”

I love that, it makes me feel better – I am working perfectly. I’m working perfectly to get the results I get at the moment. If the results I get at the moment are unpleasant or not useful, then how I work has to change. Just how I work.

That reminded me….. I used to be a software programmer in the 80’s in a company in Dublin. I worked with interesting people and I loved solving problems, but other than that I hated my job! People were always complaining. Well, to be exact, the users who used the programs I wrote were always complaining to me!  (The programmers called the people who used the programs “users” and the users called us “computer experts” as in, “Well you’re supposed to be the computer experts, aren’t you?”) The programs never seemed to do what the users wanted them to do.

Let me, in my defense, explain the problem. The users I dealt with were from the finance department, and they needed programs to analyse their financial figures. For example, they might need a report showing how much the company spent on parts in the last quarter, with details sorted by supplier. Nowadays all this can be done easily in (probably) half an hour on a laptop by someone who’s done a day course in databases. Back in the 1980’s there was a special room to house the computer and another room to house the programmers and a simple program might take a week to complete!

In order for someone from finance to get a simple report they first had to explain to me what they wanted on their report. They had to do that in a way that a non-financial person (me) would understand. I, for my part had to ask questions to understand exactly what was required, and I needed to ask in a way that a non-programmer would understand. Added to this was an atmosphere of animosity between the users and the programmers, which made communication a little difficult!

Very early in my programming career I wrote a program for one of the people in the finance department – lets call him Jim. I got some information from Jim about what he wanted and set to work. It took me a week to write and test the program and when it was ready, I rang Jim and let him know. He had to wait until after the weekend to receive the new report because the computer was so slow that any extra programs must be run at quiet times, like overnight or weekends. So he waited patiently (or more likely impatiently), until Monday for his report.

Monday rolled along and I got a phone call from Jim, shouting something like, “It’s not #$?!!#@ working! The stupid computer is broken! I wanted it sorted by part within supplier and it’s coming out supplier within part!”

I couldn’t tell Jim but the program was working. It was doing exactly what I had programmed it to do.  A program always does what the programmer programs it to do. Unfortunately, what I had programmed it to do was not what Jim had wanted! It did not produce the results he wanted. My code was wrong.  Eventually when he calmed down I got some more information from him and changed the program so that it produced the results wanted.

Like computers, we run programs. The programs were written by programmers called mother, father, teacher, and society in general. The programs do what they wanted us to do at the time. We “work” exactly as we were programmed. The programs we run produce results. If the results you are getting now as a mature adult are unpleasant or not useful for you, then you can change the program.

How do you change the program? First step is to realise that you are running programs. Once you are aware of that, the next step will become available to you

Before I left my job in 1987 the company  introduced personal computers for each department. Teaching the users to use their own personal computer was the most enjoyable work I did during my time at that company. They learned how to produce their own reports, make changes and get the results they wanted. In a way I’m still doing that job. I work with people who run programs and get results and I show them how to change those programs to get the results they want!