Did I tell you that I don’t want to go to any more war museums or aircraft museums or army museums…? To me they are places to go if you want to be sad. Denis loves them and so he was really excited when he saw that we would be passing very close to the Imperial War Museum on our route home. For the first time I asked him why is he so excited about going to a place where you see lots of machines for killing people. He was a little taken aback by my question. He sees the bravery of pilots and the technological advances of engineering that made these machines escape gravity and fly where I see death.

It interests me when anyone (even my husband!) is excited about something. As a socially uncomfortable introvert I need all the hacks I can get to lower the level of discomfort I often feel when talking to people in a social setting. I always put too much energy into the conversation and try really hard to cheer everyone up or tell them something interesting. My less uncomfortable friends tell me this is not necessary. All I need to do is ask the other person about themselves.

How hard could it be to ask someone about themselves? Unfortunately, I have somehow got it into my mind that asking someone about themselves is an invasion of privacy. Is it covered by GDPR? What if I ask some I’ve just met where they are from and they think I’m going to follow them home? Or write them long newsy letters? If I ask them what they work at, will they think I’m being nosey? Or shallow? While I’m wondering these things my level of anxiety increases but I smile bravely, so that they are not alarmed. And silence follows.

I think I mentioned a lady talking to me in the supermarket queue when we were in Bury St. Edmonds, didn’t I? She was a very chatty person. I had no anxious thoughts, thankfully, after all it wasn’t what I would consider a social occasion. She wasn’t expecting much from me and the odd nod and smile was enough. And maybe that was why I was brave and actually asked her a question. At some point in the conversation she said, “I must be bored I’m sorry I’m chatting your head off” and I asked her what she liked to do when she wasn’t bored.

She paused for only a moment. Then her face lit up with a smile and she told me all about her garden and her grandchildren playing in her garden. Her happy energy made me smile too and we might have been there still except the Tesco cashier said, “next please”. We waved to each other as I left the shop and she made me think I could – maybe – crack the social anxiety.

The thing someone loves about their life is magical, just talking about it has the potential to change their energy. And not just their energy, ours too. And that’s why I went to the Imperial War Museum. It wasn’t too bad, I only felt sad when I saw the empty bag of fertiliser in the Northern Ireland exhibit. Denis didn’t see it, he saw lots of technology and really loved it.

Summary: People are very interesting in the way they love different things. Encouraging someone to talk about the thing they love can have magical effects. Query: What do you love?