The Incredible Hulk IS Scary

October 10, 2013October 10, 2013 | Mairead

(Nice calming water picture… Vouvant)

Soooo there I was driving down to the supermarket. (By the way the Eat the Fridge thing is going great! – go to shop only once a week even if it seems there’s nothing left in the fridge… find creative ways to feed yourself from the nothing!) The lights were green on the t-junction so I proceeded behind the traffic, while wondering if maybe there should be a yellow box (road safety education: “don’t drive onto a yellow box unless the way ahead is clear.”) The traffic in front stopped because the lights ahead of them were red…. and I was in the space between one set of lights and the next.

1010b

(…. ommmmm… Green Venice)

Hasn’t everyone been there? The space where all seems fine, all us cars are having a fine time driving along and then it goes a bit quiet and it turns out you are the only one in the space where the traffic from the side road will need to be and you are in the way. It’s a lonely space.

1010a

(sigh… Green Venice)

So now I was… stuck and mortified. And the cars in front were also stuck or I might have inched forward to hide out-of-the-way. Slowly, very slowly the lights changed for the side road. And you know the bit in the Incredible Hulk, where something bad happens and you just know the Hulk is going to start loosing his clothes and turning green? Well, unfortunately for me something bad must have happened to the man in the car coming from the side road because he drove his car in a very Incredible Hulk way while gesticulating wildly… a lot.. at me.

1010e

(… just little ripples… Vouvant)

You know how, You know it’s gonna be fine and you know he’s not going to get out of his car and you know he’s probably not that much bigger than you and you know he’s definitely not green? And yet… and yet I was afraid. You know how horrible that is? No? It’s horrible.

1010f

(…peaceful… Vouvant)

So I just wanted to say if I do something really silly and it blocks your way for a few moments anytime in the future, could you please not lose your temper? Or if you do could you please not gesticulate wildly in my direction… a lot… like the Incredible Hulk? I’ll be driving any car and look exactly like the person driving any car that slows you down 🙂

Thanks from a slightly disturbed, Mairead.

What’s the story? Part 2

December 10, 2012December 10, 2012 | Mairead

10 12a

(Widen your focus… and see the big picture)

The story of us is part of a big Map. The Map is the representation we have created in our mind of the real world outside our mind. It’s just a representation, it’s not real. Just like the map of Ireland is not Ireland, it’s just a piece of paper that represents a real place. A map is much smaller, so it can fit in your car…. A map does not include everything. A map represents mountains with colours and lines. No one believes mountains are just colours and lines they know that’s just a representation. We know a map is not the country it represents.

10 12b

(Eat well… but not these….)

But we often believe the map in our mind is real…. “this is just the way I am”, “I’m lazy”, “I have no willpower”, etc., etc. We often believe in the story of us…. It’s not real, it’s just a representation…. like the lines and the colours. It’s a representation of something that was said or heard, something that was seen or experienced… and we hung on to it and deleted any experience of the opposite…. and it’s just a map.

10 12c

(Rest regularly)

Most of the choosing of the representation of the world is done in our childhood and is influenced by the people around us – our parents, our grandparents, our siblings, our teachers and society in general. We are affected by their representation of the world. Their Map has a strong influence on how they see the world and therefore how we learn to see the world.

If there’s something you want to include in your story, start noticing it in your experience. Mairead.

What’s your story?

December 3, 2012December 3, 2012 | Mairead

3 12a

(Mount Usher in Ashford, Co. Wicklow)

The story of our lives is not the story of what happened… It’s the story of what we are. The story that starts “I am….” The story we think we became because of our behaviour or our actions. The story that says this is the type of person I am. This story is probably built up from lots and lots of small experiences and things other people told us… From the moment we learned the story of us everything that happened after that had to fit into that particular story. It had to make sense in our story. If it didn’t then it got deleted… We become very attached to our story.

3 12c

(Strong, beautiful tree even with all its flaws…)

Like a film maker producing a movie about a famous politician – only stories that agree with the filmmaker’s belief about the politician will be included…. if he believes the politician is a wonderful honest statesman then the stories from his life that show him as an honest and a wonderful statesman will be included. If the filmmaker believes that the politician is a dishonest scoundrel then the film maker will depict stories from the politician’s life where he is dishonest and a scoundrel. The filmmaker may be completely honest in his choices, i.e. he truly believes the politician is honest or he truly believes the politician is dishonest.

03 12d

(At the boundary of Mount Usher there’s a fence. Beyond the fence there’s a field with very old trees. You can either see the fence or shift your focus a bit and see the trees…..)

Same with our choice of what fits into our story – the movie of us. If the story we truly believe about ourselves says we are flawed then we will only include the times we have been flawed into our movie. Even if we have been a good friend at some point in our life we will delete or distort that memory and remember instead the time we were a bad friend. This is in order that our flawed friend story remains intact. If the story of you says you are flawed then fortunately, you can start again with a new story.

Choose something in your story you don’t like and start to notice the opposite. Mairead.

The rainy season has arrived…. time for a story change!

September 25, 2012September 25, 2012 | Mairead

25 9a

(Lovely day in Cashel, Co. Tipperary on Saturday)

It rained all day yesterday and it looks like it’s ready to do the same today. As always it’s funny how I get used to the weather and think it’ll never be any other way…. then it changes. At the weekend it was dry a little cold and sunny, I thought that was going to last, in fact I can’t remember where I put my rain coat and I don’t remember when I last needed it. It’s like the story of our lives…..

25 9b

(Livestock in the grounds of Cashel Palace enjoying the sunshine)

When we’ve got past childhood and we’re making our way in the world we take with us lots of goodies. We’ve got skills like cooking, organising, speaking French, etc. We’ve got lots of baddies too, like nail-biting, eating with our mouth open, etc. And we’ve got our story. The story that defines us, tells us and the world who we are. Trouble is we are not completely aware of our own story. We’re not completely aware of the story of others either but at least we see their behaviours.

25 9c

(Evening walk beside the Rock of Cashel)

When someone’s behaviour includes repeatedly putting themselves down, you can be sure their story includes a reason to be put down. When someone repeatedly allows others to bully them you can be sure their story includes them as the victim. When someone repeatedly makes fun of themselves, you can be sure their story includes the fool. But there’s good news, we can rewrite the parts of the story we don’t like, the parts that we notice when we notice our behaviour.

25 9d

(Fence post perspective)

We don’t change it by putting ourselves down – that’s just more of the old story. We change the story when we are inspired. When something lights you up, lifts your heart, or just plain interests you – wallow in it! Play with it. Allow it to inspire a different story.

What lights you up? Mairead.

Happy Birthday Mammy!

June 5, 2012June 4, 2012 | Mairead

Coffee

(This way. This way.)

It’s a bank holiday weekend in Ireland so we celebrated and had our lunch out and now we’re having coffee (for him) and green tea (for me) as well. My sister-in-law (Hi Helen!) thinks I spend all my time in coffee shops and I can see why she might think that – I talk about them a lot. But this week I’ve only had coffee (or tea) out twice. Considering it was a busy week for me that’s probably a lot!

Julie s Garden

(Julie’s favourite garden at Bloom)

When I was littler, maybe about ten, the big treat in our house was for my Mum and me to go on the bus to a town fifteen miles away called Clonmel. I used to think we were there all day but I now know the bus dropped us off at midday and we had to be back on board and heading for Cashel by 3pm. Our town didn’t have the great shops they had in Clonmel. Years later when I met my friend Frieda she told me that she and her Mum used to do the same thing. Except she lived in Clonmel and drove to the great shops in Cashel!

Pepsi Can Eagle

(Pepsi Can Eagle in the Rehab garden at Bloom)

We never left without a visit to the coffee shop. It was in a little room behind a bakery. There was a small window and the chairs weren’t very comfortable, but to me it was luxury. Spending time with my Mum, being treated like an adult eating salad sandwiches and cake. No wonder I love going to coffee shops. We were still making that trip when I was a teenager and much later when my children were toddlers their favourite game with their granny was The Bus to Clonmel, where the sofa was the bus!

Mum and Helen

(My Mum, my sister-in-law Helen and my very embarrassed brother, Lar)

Today (Tuesday) is my Mum’s birthday, she shares the day with the Queen’s Jubilee, but the Queen can’t make it to Cashel this year, maybe it’ll be quieter for her next year. I’m remembering all the nice things my Mum did for me including teach me the value of taking time off to go to the coffee shop.

Thank you Mum and Happy Birthday! Mairead.

We’re Back in Ireland

May 31, 2012May 31, 2012 | Mairead

(We didn’t take think it was worth the risk)

We’re back on Irish soil again and for a few days it’s been very hot and sunny. Today is rainy but I have high hopes for tomorrow. I also have high hopes for getting back to regular blog posting. Like any habit, it takes a period of time to build and no time at all to break. Fortunately, I really do want to write so I’m at an advantage when it comes to being willing to build the habit. I’m very willing.

(Last week in Edinburgh)

I’m at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to actually starting the habit though….. I have a long history of thinking about doing things. Including considering doing things. Then there’s meaning to do things and feeling a bit guilty that I haven’t done them. Followed by downright embarrassed when I’ve completely forgotten to do something and it’s too late to do it then. I feel some of that guilt and embarrassment right now as I ponder my lack of doing and it doesn’t encourage me, no, not one little bit.

(Right in the centre of the city of Edinburgh there’s a beautiful park)

Fortunately, I’m not going to be putting my attention on the times I didn’t do something, that’ll just get me more of what I don’t want. I’m going to be putting my attention on what I do want – I want to write. Oooh writing. I love to write. It’s just sometimes I forget how much I like it. I forget how it clears my mind and brings me calm. I forget how it makes me feel sparkly inside! I forget how it communicates with me and makes my experiences richer. I forget how it pushes me to complete. To completion, to fulfilment, to creation.

What are you forgetting to do today that makes you feel sparkly inside? Remember! Mairead.

Birds and Toddlers do it.

March 23, 2012April 16, 2012 | Mairead

(A Robin)

The birds are singing outside the window again as I write and I continue to be amazed at how much their singing affects me. For the better. I’m cheered just listening to them do their thing. They have no idea I’m here enjoying them. They are definitely not doing it for me. In fact I don’t know why they sing. It makes me feel good to imagine that they sing because they enjoy singing.

(More birds)

They remind me of the daughter, when she was a toddler. She used to sing to herself as she played with her toys. The tune was never recognisable and the lyrics were a jumble of words and syllables. One day I told her I would write down the words so she could keep her song forever. She didn’t seem that interested but she let me write every word and syllable.

(Rory, a long, long time ago when he was a toddler)

To the little toddler forever is right now, this moment, because this moment never ends… now is always now. To the adult, now is just a passing blink as we head straight for tomorrow. The singing birds halt everything…… and bring my attention to now, here and now, exactly where I am… now.

Now, where are you? Mairead.

Hello blog, whatcha got today?

March 21, 2012April 16, 2012 | Mairead

(Brooklodge Hotel near Aughrim, Co. Wicklow)

Every day to write this blog, I sit down facing a window with a view to the sky. I never know what I’m going to write about. I never know if anything will turn up. I just start writing. There are some things I do know from experience. One, whatever turns up will take an hour to fully form itself on the page. Two, if I worry that nothing will turn up, nothing turns up. Three, if I edit as I go, I end up with a blank page. Four, if I worry that it’s not good enough, I won’t be able to write anything. Five, if I stop to worry that no one will like it, I won’t start up again… some days I don’t.

(Window with sky view)

So my best advice to myself is… just write it… just begin… just keep going… just finish. When I just write it stuff turns up, stuff I didn’t realise was available to me. Then I can get rid of bits and play around with bits and at the end of an hour I have a blog and I’m finished. Today that makes me think this advice could be useful for any endeavour.

(Just make… a cute design in the sugar)

Like the book you want to write… just write it. Like the picture you want to paint… just paint it. Like the workshop you want to attend… just attend it. Like the holiday you want to take… just take it. Like the food you want to cook… just cook it. Like the story you want to tell… just tell it. Like the work you want to do… just do it. Like the self you want to be… just be it… just begin… just keep going… just finish.

Just start, Mairead

So my best advice to myself is… just write it… just begin… just keep going… just finish. When I just write it stuff turns up, stuff I didn’t realise was available to me. Then I can get rid of bits and play around with bits and at the end of an hour I have a blog and I’m finished. Today that makes me think this advice could be useful for any endeavour.

Just start, Mairead

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