thinking

The stories we believe…..

| Mairead

(Beauty in the eye of the beholder)

So… I’m still here at the coffee shop and I’m thinking about the stories we believe about ourselves. When I was a new Mum, with a little baby that cried a lot, I believed I was a bad mother. It was an easy story to believe. Nothing I seemed to do would stop that crying. When I looked around at other mothers they seemed to know what they were doing, their baby wasn’t crying, that’s what makes a good mother……

(Room with a garden)

Unfortunately, when we believe a story, everything we see from then on fits into our story. We make it fit into our story. But the truth is, any situation we find ourselves in can be looked at in numerous ways. For the baby crying we can say…. bad mother, new mother, sick baby, bad food, painful allergy, high temperature, ill-health… which one is true? Who knows? Maybe all, maybe none.

(The east German walk man)

The “bad mother” can’t see the good things she’s doing, she has tied herself to a story. But a story is only something we believe about ourselves and a belief is only an opinion we think is true.

Maybe it’s time to pick up a new story, Mairead.

Morning Pages

| Mairead

(Come on in….)

A long time ago I read the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In it, there’s an exercise called Morning Pages. The idea is that every morning before you do anything else, you take our your A4 pad and your pen and write without stopping for three pages. What do you write? The first thing that comes into your head and if nothing does, you write “nothing is coming into my head” and usually that’s all it takes for something to come into your head!

(Patterns)

I think the rational for this exercise is two-fold. One, it’s practice at writing and two, it clears all the thinking stuff out of your head and onto the page. When the thinking stuff is gone, then there’s space for the good stuff. The good stuff is wise and helpful and intuitive. The kind of stuff that gets buried under the worry and trouble and problems. The whole process  is a bit like weeding a vegetable patch so that your crops can grow.

(Pink geraniums)

I wrote my Morning Pages for at least eighteen months. Clearing the thinking stuff was very useful and of course I enjoyed the writing. But the added bonus was the structure and discipline of daily practice. Practice makes Perfect. In order to become good at something we need practice. That includes being calm or staying grounded or accepting ourselves or living a less is more kind of life or whatever it is that floats your boat! We need to practice…. daily.

(More patterns)

Practice, practice, practice, Mairead.

I (almost) like book-keeping!

| Mairead

(Garden chair in dry weather – not as nice as when it’s wet – isn’t rain great?)

Since coming back from holidays, things have been different. Well, nothing has changed, but …. something is different. Take the book-keeping (balancing bank accounts, paying tax etc.)…..

Ever since I started helping Denis with the book-keeping I’ve hated it. Really. Hated it. I think it’s mental….. as in I’m thinking fearful thoughts about it. It’s a physical thing too, because it feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders and another heavy weight in my stomach. Not much fun at all. As the date for sending something, anything, to the tax man draws nearer the weights get heavier. The thoughts get a bit heavier too.

(An old bench in the back garden)

This seems to have the same effect as trying (so they may be related) – everything takes much longer, more mistakes are made and it’s no fun… none… at all.

(The garden shed)

But then last year we found a lovely calm accountant (Hello Clodagh!) and I can ask her questions and she can fix my mistakes and she knows what she’s doing – always useful. So everything was great for a while. No more fear of the tax man. No more worries about mistakes. Someone knew what they were doing. Yet…. there was still something heavy in me.

I still hated the book-keeping.

(I love material, sigh…)

But since coming back, the book-keeping is different. Well…. no it’s not different but the way I think about it is different. In the first week back I heard myself say about it to Denis, “this is easy” (he was too surprised to react). By the second week, it had got a bit harder but something had shifted in me, because I wasn’t so heavy. And this week I find myself wanting to hate the book-keeping but not feeling it! While I still don’t like it, I no longer have the heavy weights and mostly my thoughts about it are hopeful and extraordinarily light.

(The garden gate)

I notice I have a pattern of acting and thinking in a particular way in relation to the book-keeping and I haven’t let that go….. yet. Funny thing is, I’m noticing this pattern in other areas too…… The thing we think of as a problem is only a waving flag. There are no problems only flags, waving at us to wake up!

Wake up, all is well, Mairead.

Don’t just say No – feel it!

| Mairead

(Spot the difference?)

I was at my friend Ashleigh’s (www.timeforbusywomen.com) workshop on Saturday. It was held in a beautiful setting in Co. Dublin. I really enjoyed it and I now feel very focused on my next project. On the day Ashleigh talked about a lot of things and one thing that struck me was what she called the “Internal No”.

(Ashleigh’s notebook, where she keeps all her quotes)

The way I understand it, this is something you can use when you want to change the dynamic of a relationship. The kind of relationship where you might have been saying “Yes” more than you want to? Or maybe the kind of relationship where you have been saying “No” but you haven’t been heard? Where your “no” turns into a “well, no, not really, oh well, ok then go ahead, alright yes”.

(Lunch at the workshop)

So, maybe you’re asked to work an extra shift. But you don’t want to and it doesn’t feel like you’ve been asked. It feels like you “have to ” say “Yes”. Using the Internal No, you get a strong sense of the “No” you’re already feeling. By that I mean you feel what “No” is physically to you. Too crazy? Do it even if it seems crazy! Do it even if you don’t know what I’m asking for and see what happens…..

(What’s different about these flowers?)

Because our body knows a lot more than our mind gives it credit for…… Stop thinking “No” and start feeling “No” and then, when it’s good and strong in your body, say it. Doesn’t have to be loud, definitely doesn’t have to be angry, it’s just a word you body is feeling right now. Honour your body! Say no!

(Shiny floor)

What’s your body feeling? Mairead.

PS can also be used with children, friends, dogs and even cats! Ashleigh is running another workshop in September.

Decisions, Decisions.

| Mairead

(Mantlepiece decoration in Powerscourt)

Today I made a decision. Decisions are very interesting concepts. The idea that there are two or more possibilities to choose from should be exhilarating. It rarely is though. Because, if you think you have a decision to make, you have probably already ignored your “feeling” and… you’ve started to irritate yourself.

(Nice door….)

So, you’re walking along the street, you wonder if you’ll cross here or further on. Immediately, you will know what feels right. But that’s too easy, isn’t it? So you second guess it. Maybe here isn’t such a good spot, maybe you should wait until the corner or further on at the traffic lights? And you walk on. Later you start to wonder if after all, that first spot was the very best place to cross….. now, what’ll you do?

(My kind of books. Two of them are completely blank inside!)

Most decisions are made before we even realise it, in our body. Then we think about it and poke at it and annoy ourselves until we’re so bothered we make any choice just to stop the irritation. Wouldn’t it be great if we could go directly to the choice we know we want, hang the consequences and give up the irritation?

(Nice tree…)

I’ve decided to take weekends off! The next post will be on Monday morning.

Have a nice weekend, Mairead.

Fearlessness

| Mairead

(Nice chairs in Powerscourt)

It’s four hours past the time I normally write my post. Fortunately, still twelve hours before I send it to you. But today, I have nothing to tell you! As this has never happened before, I am confused. I am also a little worried. “What if nothing comes to mind?” Ooh now I notice a little panic…. “what if I can’t do this any more?”

(Rain makes very pretty pictures)

Oh ok, I remember fearlessness, right…. give me a moment. Ok I’m fine again now and I remember something I want to tell you…..

There are many times when we get the opportunity to practice Fearlessness – we should take them!

(Ciara and I had lunch at Avoca in Powerscourt)

Yesterday I met my friend Naomi for coffee. We haven’t known each other that long and as she lives “up North”, this is the first time we’ve met for coffee. We talk to each other like we’ve been friends for life. Yesterday we realised our beliefs are very similar, so that may explain it. She was the one who asked me to speak at the Enniskillen motorbike meeting.

(I don’t like cheese unless it’s hidden, so after the photo I took it out)

So in a way it’s her fault I was standing at the front of the hall on Saturday 28th May, wondering if I should have written something down. All the way across France and Spain I imagined my presentation going well. I even had a few ideas about how to make it more interactive (forgotten on the day…) But, as I stood up there with my pictures waiting on the lap top, an old torn Keycamp map stuck to the wall and a stick we found in the field for a pointer, I thought of how badly this could turn out.

(I love cookery books, if only they could cook the food for me too)

I did mean to make those 4×6 index cards, you know the ones with the little reminders on the front and back? But there wasn’t time……. or I didn’t make any……. So I stood up there and began to hear my own heart beating. It was two minutes to two. In two minutes these people sitting in front of me would expect me to speak. I was also expecting me to speak. But instead I was kinda occupied with fear.

(“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” John F Kennedy)

Now, fortunately, at some point on the back of the bike and feeling good I had chosen the title for the talk – Freedom through Fearlessness. It was up on the projector and as the time ticked down to zero and I looked up to read it….. oh, this is what that means?

(Like this shop very much…)

Fear doesn’t have to stop you going for the thing you want.

Bring it on! Mairead.

Stormy Seas

| Mairead

(Here comes trouble)

There we were sitting happily in our cabin about 9pm on Wednesday, last week. Me typing my blog, Denis doing something work-ish. And the captain comes on the speaker with the warning that things would be a little rough during the night and he was sorry…. We made a little joke and went back to our important little tasks.

(That huge truck reversed all the way off the ship!)

Well… it’s hard to believe any warnings of bad weather when the sky is blue, the sea is flat and you’re on your way home after holidays. So we didn’t…  we didn’t believe him. Not that believing him would have helped. We had met two bikers on the way onto the ship and had discussed the various sea-sickness options. They favoured the drugs while I was going for the bands around the wrist, Denis doesn’t get sea-sick so he wasn’t involved in the conversation. Anyway, that was all before the captain started predicting the future. As he spoke I realised my sea-sickness wrist bands were still down on the bike and all the doors were locked! We didn’t know which cabin the bikers with the drugs were…. but as I didn’t believe the captain’s warnings I wasn’t too bothered.

(Greystones on the map and off the map)

It wasn’t until two o’clock in the morning that I became bothered.

My beliefs started to shift…. as the ship was shifting, with the wind. But I was lying down, it was dark and very easy to imagine I was a child again and my brother was gently pushing me on a swing. By six am he was pushing too hard and I wanted to get off.

(More Irish clouds)

Imagine with me if you will, toss, rock, toss, rock, bang. Where the bang is the best bit because at least it’s solid? Then it would stop and…. the moment before you think maybe it’s over… it starts again. I lay there, eyes closed completely present to every movement, I had no other option, because as soon as I thought of anything else I felt frightened and sick. I couldn’t even complain to Denis because talking made me feel sick (it’s an ill wind……). Never realised how much “work” is involved in thinking, talking and complaining.

(Calm Seas)

I wanted the storm to calm down.

I started to say the word “calm” over and over and something changed. The storm didn’t stop but my stomach started to relax. And for a brief moment I realised the storm that was really bothering me wasn’t the one outside (although that was disturbing). The big storm was the one inside me. The one that made my stomach clench and tightened lots of other muscles too. Brief moment over, I went back to experiencing the movement….. and started calming the storm inside. Eventually the one inside stopped and later so did the one outside.

(Now I know why they have the cup holders…)

None of us needs to be on a ship to experience the storm inside. Calm….. Calm…… Calm……

Calm, Mairead.