shame

Look! It’s the break light!

| Mairead

3

(Graffiti in cafe toilet – I didn’t write it)

I’ve uncovered another of my patterns and this one is big (for me). I’ve been working away for the past month on productivity. I’ve read the book, Getting Things Done by David Allen. I’ve had sessions with my friend Ashleigh. I’ve started using the PomodoroPro. I’ve devised a schedule with thirty minute time slots. My diary was full of next thing to do’s. I had three weeks of amazing productivity.

1

(Rowing on the Liffey in Dublin, with the Ha’penny Bridge in the background)

And then I crashed. I’ve been tired and motivation-less since last Thursday. I know this is a pattern… it was pointed out to me that I do this regularly. What do I do? I drive myself forward, paying no attention to the vehicle I am driving. I run out of fuel. The vehicle stops. For the duration of my life the vehicle is my body. I do feed my body and lately I feed it well, but I have not been paying attention. A light on the dashboard was flashing and I ignored it. It was the “break” light. When I pay no attention, I don’t know it’s time to rest. To take a break, a siestas, some free time, do some day dreaming, be at ease.

2

(Scary but true)

There are probably lots of reasons why this is my pattern. As with all patterns, it starts because it’s necessary and it works. There is a clue as to why it continues. It’s part of my normal thinking, something I didn’t realise….. I think taking a break is unfair, unless you work exceedingly hard and I experience extreme shame when I take a break unless I am exhausted. The good news is that it’s like my “I have to eat meat every day” belief – crazy but normal for me. And as we saw with the meat belief once you become aware of your normal thinking it’s possible to let it go.

I’ll be taking baby steps with this one, step, rest, step, sit down, up we get , step, Mairead.

Lazy and Selfish

| Mairead

(Kate and Liam’s unusual sunflowers)

For the first time in my life I went to a cafe with my laptop. It was last Saturday. I had a green tea and an egg sandwich (yes…) first. Then I wrote for thirty minutes, without even noticing the time pass. Now I’m imagining myself going to a cafe to write every day as being normal, and I feel quite excited. In fact I’m starting to talk to myself (I admit it, I talk to myself…). How great would it be to have a portion of every day assigned to sitting writing in a cafe? and I answer myself…. That would be really great!

So what’s stopping me? The thing that’s stopped me before were all those other voices in my head (yes, I also hear voices….) saying “what a waste of time”, or “you have nothing to write”, or “how incredibly lazy and selfish of you”.

(Wood for the fire)

Then I noticed a funny thing happening in the Success Teams…… I’ve been watching these people! They turn up each week, they share with the team what they want and then they go for it. In the beginning it was difficult for them to fit new things into their busy lives. But to get what they want, some stuff needs to be done….. So they started giving priority to the things that are part of their dream wishes. They began doing these things first (even if they might be considered unimportant or selfish) and letting the rest follow. And the funny thing? When they do that, everything (everything!) else is easier! And the important stuff gets done, too.

(Charlotte, Aidan and Rory’s new cat)

As I’m all for easier I’ll be adding cafe mornings to my weekly schedule from now on. If you see me, remind yourself you too can make your wishes a priority, but don’t talk to me!

Do not disturb, Mairead.

Little Chick’s Story

| Mairead

(A perfect seed ball)

Once upon a time there was a little chick who went in search of adventure. She travelled to the sea shore and found a beautiful turtle shell. She put it on and wore it everyday for months. Everyone she met said how lovely she looked and little chick was delighted with the attention.

(I’m heading for…)

But deep inside little chick was tired and weary and fed-up. The shell was heavy and it was hard to see where she was going so she often bumped into things. One day she decided to take it off….. but as soon as she did she felt naked and put it right back on again. Then she sat down to cry, “now what’ll I do?”

(At the Natural History Museum, a pearl from Galway)

As she was crying an old hen who was passing came over to little chick and asked “What’s wrong little chick?” Little chick explained that she didn’t want to be in a shell anymore, but when she took it off she felt naked. “Oh that’s not a problem, let’s go down to the lake and sort this out.”

(Happy orange juice)

So the two birds waddled down to the lake, said a quick “Hi!” to the other animals and found a quiet spot. Then the old hen said “Ok, little chick, look into the water, what do you see?” Little chick looked in and said, “A beautiful turtle shell.”

“Great, now take off the turtle shell and look into the water again.”

(Sailboats off Greystones… rocks)

“No, no I can’t look, I’m naked.” squeaked the little chick. But the old hen insisted and when the little chick looked into the water she couldn’t believe her eyes. In the water she could see a beautiful yellow fluffy chick, powerful in her chickness! She twisted and turned to see herself from every angle and smiling she asked old hen, “How can this be, I’m beautiful?”

(I have no idea what these are?)

Old hen said “You’ve been wearing that old turtle shell for so long it felt like home but it wasn’t. It was covering up a beautiful you. Just because you feel naked doesn’t mean you are naked! Now, off you go and live the life of a beautiful, proud, powerful, smiling little chick!”

And little chick did just that.

Happy Bank Holiday Monday (Ireland), Mairead.