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Pause between the Cycles

| Mairead

(Raspberries in Liam and Kate’s garden)

Today I’m doing housework. Sitting here on the sofa, squashed up between the upside down side tables, the books and the cushions, it looks like I’ve been very busy. I like this moment. Before everything goes back in its place. If someone walked in now they would think I was a great housewife (as long as they didn’t notice me sitting down).

(Seemingly Lavender keeps the flies at bay?)

There’s a similar moment when I do the ironing (which I love doing). The moment when the shirts hang crease-less, the t-shirts and jeans stand in their towers, and the sheets, duvet covers and pillowcases look like they’ve just come from the shop. I make this moment last as long as possible. Sometimes, it’ll be days later when I put away the finished ironing. Until then I’ll smile inwardly every time I see it. Of course, the longer that moment takes, the longer it will be before the cycle begins again.

The cycle of washing, drying and ironing.

(Wrinkles on the old tree – beautiful)

Breathing is a bit like that. We breathe in……… we breathe out…….. we pause….. Then the cycle begins again. The pause is like noticing the ironed clothes and smiling inwardly. Notice it!

Breathe, Mairead.

Raindrops

| Mairead

(Rain on the red flowers in the front garden….)

I was out walking in the rain today. Not really by choice, I had some things I needed to do. I was wearing a raincoat and a hat and a skirt. Sorry men, but a skirt is the most comfortable thing to wear when it’s raining. It doesn’t stick to your legs and when you get into the car you can turn it around and not be sitting on the wet bit…. comfy! So I was dressed to withstand the downpour. But I’m not usually.

(Very wet rain)

I was wondering about that. The fact that I know it rains a lot here and yet I don’t usually go out prepared for rain. Am I crazy? What’s that about? Never mind, the result is I’m wet and miserable and I don’t notice all the lovely things going on around me. Not useful.

(Rain on the things that grow from the big plant….)

How might I improve on this? What if I start acting as if it rains a lot in Ireland – by bringing an umbrella and a hat and a coat and a skirt? Or by wearing the motorbike rain gear all the time? Both those solutions are grand but it’s all a little heavy to carry around in my handbag.

(Rain on the lovely looking leaves….)

There is one other solution. I could let go of resisting the thing that’s already happening and consider getting rained on as a nice enjoyable thing,or just a thing that’s happening.  When I get home I could change into the dry skirt and hat and maybe even the coat (in case I’m a little chilly). Less to carry around, nice attitude to be feeling, probably good for health. The great thing is, there’ll be plenty of opportunities to practice letting go of resistance (with all the rain, I mean).

Embrace your rain (whatever it is…), Mairead.

It’s in the blood.

| Mairead

(There’s a lot of iron in Guinness)

About once a month a group of us meet to play poker. It’s a friendly game, with offspring included if they’re available. The smallest number required to play is five and the most has been ten. Everyone puts in five euros and gets a stack of chips (playing chips not eating chips…)

(A cup of tea makes everything better)

Sometimes there’s nice food, sometimes there’s whatever’s in the kitchen. The food’s not important.  But the most consistent and important thing on poker night is the laughter. We laugh a lot… at anything. Could be we laugh at the cards we’ve been dealt. Could be we laugh at one person trying to pretend she has bad cards…… or someone else pretending he has good cards. Or it could be we laugh just knowing that we’re okay in this group, there’s nothing to do and there’s no way we have to be….. It’s just fun.

(Hang onto your money)

I went to a burial today. My aunt’s brother. I didn’t know the man but he’s my aunt’s second brother to be buried in the last two months so I went to see her. She lives in the same house as my Dad and my Granny used to live. As children my brother and I were taken there to visit our Granny and see all our cousins. Today I travelled roads I had traveled as a child and I felt like a six-year-old. When I got out of the car, there were my cousins again and we were laughing and joking like we did as children.

(Nice food today)

As well as tears, there’s always lots of laughter at funerals……  like the poker there’s nothing to do and no way you have to be. Just turn up and be… with others who know you’re okay. You are family… even if you are a bit weird and don’t quite fit in with the rest of them (oh, maybe that’s just me!).

(Passing on traditions)

At the graveyard it rained and there were hailstones (yes June in Ireland is full of surprises) but that’s ok because it’s good luck! So I was dripping wet as I left to walk to the car and almost bumped into a woman. She was saying to me, “I have to meet this woman”. I smiled, presuming she was talking about another woman, but she went on to say, “You’re Peter’s daughter, aren’t you, I had to come and tell you, Peter played poker in my house every week when he was young.” So I laughed, hugged and asked Elizabeth her name and thanked her for making my day.

Ok Dad, got the message – I’ll keep playing the poker!

Do something that makes you laugh today, Mairead.

I (almost) like book-keeping!

| Mairead

(Garden chair in dry weather – not as nice as when it’s wet – isn’t rain great?)

Since coming back from holidays, things have been different. Well, nothing has changed, but …. something is different. Take the book-keeping (balancing bank accounts, paying tax etc.)…..

Ever since I started helping Denis with the book-keeping I’ve hated it. Really. Hated it. I think it’s mental….. as in I’m thinking fearful thoughts about it. It’s a physical thing too, because it feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders and another heavy weight in my stomach. Not much fun at all. As the date for sending something, anything, to the tax man draws nearer the weights get heavier. The thoughts get a bit heavier too.

(An old bench in the back garden)

This seems to have the same effect as trying (so they may be related) – everything takes much longer, more mistakes are made and it’s no fun… none… at all.

(The garden shed)

But then last year we found a lovely calm accountant (Hello Clodagh!) and I can ask her questions and she can fix my mistakes and she knows what she’s doing – always useful. So everything was great for a while. No more fear of the tax man. No more worries about mistakes. Someone knew what they were doing. Yet…. there was still something heavy in me.

I still hated the book-keeping.

(I love material, sigh…)

But since coming back, the book-keeping is different. Well…. no it’s not different but the way I think about it is different. In the first week back I heard myself say about it to Denis, “this is easy” (he was too surprised to react). By the second week, it had got a bit harder but something had shifted in me, because I wasn’t so heavy. And this week I find myself wanting to hate the book-keeping but not feeling it! While I still don’t like it, I no longer have the heavy weights and mostly my thoughts about it are hopeful and extraordinarily light.

(The garden gate)

I notice I have a pattern of acting and thinking in a particular way in relation to the book-keeping and I haven’t let that go….. yet. Funny thing is, I’m noticing this pattern in other areas too…… The thing we think of as a problem is only a waving flag. There are no problems only flags, waving at us to wake up!

Wake up, all is well, Mairead.

Pictures and Patterns.

| Mairead

(Slats of a garden chair in the rain)

About six years ago I saw a program on TV about photography. It had an expert photographer and three newbies who wanted to learn. The program was only thirty minutes long but it made a lasting impression on me.

Don’t know the name of the expert, but he made the process of photography seem easy, maybe because he talked about patterns. Patterns that we pass everyday and don’t notice. Like a line of trees or the wooden poles in a banister or the groves on a deck. I love patterns, so I notice them.

(Fisherman’s huts – now gone – at Greystones Harbour)

Patterns of behaviour are harder to photograph. But no less beautiful to notice. Like the pattern to say Yes when we want to say No. Really beautiful. A lot of work went into creating that pattern. It is truly a work of art…. unless you don’t want it!

A year after that program I needed to find some project that I wanted to do and I remembered the photography and started to take photographs for myself. Even though I’ve been to classes I still don’t understand all the numbers and buttons on the back of the camera. But that doesn’t take away from the pleasure.

(Hexagonal basalt rocks at the Giant’s Causeway, Co. Antrim)

You don’t have to understand how you got a pattern of behaviour in order to change it. Not understanding doesn’t take away from the pleasure of noticing and letting it go.

(Grooves on the wet deck)

Notice the Patterns! Mairead.

Just do it.

| Mairead

(Irish sky – we have the best clouds!)

We travelled for 4,500 kilometers in wind and rain and sun. We were coughed on and sneezed near, and we were never ill. But we’re home now and we have the ‘flu…..

(French sky)

So my thinking is not very clear today and that may lead to this post not being very clear but I have hope! It’s about trying. We use that word all the time but do we really know what we’re saying?

(More French sky)

Today I’m trying to write my blog. Trying involves a lot of effort. There’s a lot of gazing out at the cloudy blue sky. There’s a lot of thoughts about all the other things I should be doing at the same time. There’s a lot of re-writing and deleting. It’s very hard work. Very serious work. Do you realise what work is involved in this blog writing? Oh, its tough. It’s not much fun either and I doubt if it’s fun to read…..

(Spanish sky)

Usually, I don’t try to write my blog. Usually, I just write my blog. There’s no effort. I hardly look up. Once I start I couldn’t care less about what else needs to be done. I hardly change a thing (except spellings, I still manage to mis-spell!). It’s very easy. It’s not serious, it’s funny in my tummy! There’s no work involved. It’s not tough, it’s fun to do and maybe it’s even fun to read……

(Irish sky)

It’s so much easier when I don’t try…… and instead just do it…… Trying is no fun, I like fun.

Was that clear? Mairead.

PS I have set aside a large inbox area in my email for correspondence relating to recipes from you…. but so far there’s only one recipe in there (thank you Madge, we will be eating Chicken in White Wine and Mushroom Sauce tonight and thinking happy thoughts about you). I’m guessing you might be trying to get around to sending me one…. stop trying! I need your recipes, now. Thank you.

Don’t just say No – feel it!

| Mairead

(Spot the difference?)

I was at my friend Ashleigh’s (www.timeforbusywomen.com) workshop on Saturday. It was held in a beautiful setting in Co. Dublin. I really enjoyed it and I now feel very focused on my next project. On the day Ashleigh talked about a lot of things and one thing that struck me was what she called the “Internal No”.

(Ashleigh’s notebook, where she keeps all her quotes)

The way I understand it, this is something you can use when you want to change the dynamic of a relationship. The kind of relationship where you might have been saying “Yes” more than you want to? Or maybe the kind of relationship where you have been saying “No” but you haven’t been heard? Where your “no” turns into a “well, no, not really, oh well, ok then go ahead, alright yes”.

(Lunch at the workshop)

So, maybe you’re asked to work an extra shift. But you don’t want to and it doesn’t feel like you’ve been asked. It feels like you “have to ” say “Yes”. Using the Internal No, you get a strong sense of the “No” you’re already feeling. By that I mean you feel what “No” is physically to you. Too crazy? Do it even if it seems crazy! Do it even if you don’t know what I’m asking for and see what happens…..

(What’s different about these flowers?)

Because our body knows a lot more than our mind gives it credit for…… Stop thinking “No” and start feeling “No” and then, when it’s good and strong in your body, say it. Doesn’t have to be loud, definitely doesn’t have to be angry, it’s just a word you body is feeling right now. Honour your body! Say no!

(Shiny floor)

What’s your body feeling? Mairead.

PS can also be used with children, friends, dogs and even cats! Ashleigh is running another workshop in September.

Decisions, Decisions.

| Mairead

(Mantlepiece decoration in Powerscourt)

Today I made a decision. Decisions are very interesting concepts. The idea that there are two or more possibilities to choose from should be exhilarating. It rarely is though. Because, if you think you have a decision to make, you have probably already ignored your “feeling” and… you’ve started to irritate yourself.

(Nice door….)

So, you’re walking along the street, you wonder if you’ll cross here or further on. Immediately, you will know what feels right. But that’s too easy, isn’t it? So you second guess it. Maybe here isn’t such a good spot, maybe you should wait until the corner or further on at the traffic lights? And you walk on. Later you start to wonder if after all, that first spot was the very best place to cross….. now, what’ll you do?

(My kind of books. Two of them are completely blank inside!)

Most decisions are made before we even realise it, in our body. Then we think about it and poke at it and annoy ourselves until we’re so bothered we make any choice just to stop the irritation. Wouldn’t it be great if we could go directly to the choice we know we want, hang the consequences and give up the irritation?

(Nice tree…)

I’ve decided to take weekends off! The next post will be on Monday morning.

Have a nice weekend, Mairead.

Fearlessness

| Mairead

(Nice chairs in Powerscourt)

It’s four hours past the time I normally write my post. Fortunately, still twelve hours before I send it to you. But today, I have nothing to tell you! As this has never happened before, I am confused. I am also a little worried. “What if nothing comes to mind?” Ooh now I notice a little panic…. “what if I can’t do this any more?”

(Rain makes very pretty pictures)

Oh ok, I remember fearlessness, right…. give me a moment. Ok I’m fine again now and I remember something I want to tell you…..

There are many times when we get the opportunity to practice Fearlessness – we should take them!

(Ciara and I had lunch at Avoca in Powerscourt)

Yesterday I met my friend Naomi for coffee. We haven’t known each other that long and as she lives “up North”, this is the first time we’ve met for coffee. We talk to each other like we’ve been friends for life. Yesterday we realised our beliefs are very similar, so that may explain it. She was the one who asked me to speak at the Enniskillen motorbike meeting.

(I don’t like cheese unless it’s hidden, so after the photo I took it out)

So in a way it’s her fault I was standing at the front of the hall on Saturday 28th May, wondering if I should have written something down. All the way across France and Spain I imagined my presentation going well. I even had a few ideas about how to make it more interactive (forgotten on the day…) But, as I stood up there with my pictures waiting on the lap top, an old torn Keycamp map stuck to the wall and a stick we found in the field for a pointer, I thought of how badly this could turn out.

(I love cookery books, if only they could cook the food for me too)

I did mean to make those 4×6 index cards, you know the ones with the little reminders on the front and back? But there wasn’t time……. or I didn’t make any……. So I stood up there and began to hear my own heart beating. It was two minutes to two. In two minutes these people sitting in front of me would expect me to speak. I was also expecting me to speak. But instead I was kinda occupied with fear.

(“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” John F Kennedy)

Now, fortunately, at some point on the back of the bike and feeling good I had chosen the title for the talk – Freedom through Fearlessness. It was up on the projector and as the time ticked down to zero and I looked up to read it….. oh, this is what that means?

(Like this shop very much…)

Fear doesn’t have to stop you going for the thing you want.

Bring it on! Mairead.