Sunshine, water and an excellent lawnmower.

(Some blue sky)

Yesterday provided a few little challenges for me… or maybe I provided them myself. It was sunny again so I figured this was a perfect opportunity to cut the grass. Two days of rain followed by a day of sunshine caused a grass growth spurt and I could only imagine how much taller it would grow if left unattended. (Maybe that was my first mistake… imagining something bad.) So, I put down my reading and went in search of the lawn mower. It was a petrol one and I’d used one before so I pressed the button in the front three times, moved the safety handle to the main handle and pulled the string. It started first time, excellent. That was the last excellent of the experience.

(This tree is the cat’s favourite scratching post)

Although I did notice that the garden was big, I only noticed it in an appreciative way… what great space and what wonderful possibilities. I didn’t notice it in the square yardage kind of way. I had completed about a tenth of the area when I decide to take a break. Thinking I had been cutting for at least an hour I checked the clock… twenty minutes had passed. Even though that probably indicated the whole job could be finished in three and a half hours and not ten, I still felt disappointed… it would feel like ten hours! This might have been a good time to stop cutting the grass. Instead, I had a big glass of water along with a couple of pages of reading and then returned to the job.

(Seedlings in the greenhouse)

A few more twenty-minute slots (remarkably I always seemed to be ready for a break in twenty-minute slots) and I came across a conundrum. In order to water the plants in the greenhouse there was a garden hose running between it and the outside tap. It ran across the lawn. When I realised it was in my path I wondered what the best possible course of action might be. I wondered would I un-plug the hose and lay it beside the lawn until I had finished cutting. I wondered would I just ignore it – it lay in a shallow groove which could mean it had been in place for previous cuttings. I wondered would I lift the lawn mower over it, like lifting a buggy up over some steps. I wondered all this while continuing to cut the grass. (Notice I didn’t stop to make a decision…. I continued to cut which was also a decision) And before long I was cutting more than the grass. I cut the garden hose. It was spectacular and very wet (the water pressure here is excellent.)

(Great sprinkler… not so great garden hose)

I changed my clothes and then continued to cut the grass but my heart wasn’t in it. I was imagining how the plants in the greenhouse would die because I couldn’t water them. I’d seen two watering cans in the shed but what if they were the special watering cans used only for weed killer, there might be some weedkiller left in them, I couldn’t use them either. I was very glad of the distraction of a phone call from my friend. In a very unsympathetic tone she asked Why would you cut the grass? I’m going back to my Stop Thinking Start Living book, it’s possible I’ve been thinking too much….

Oh for the simple life, living in the country with some cats and some hens…. oh yea, Mairead.

Walking in baby steps.

(Which path?)

I’m navigating my surroundings today by walking. There are lots of pathways through the forest and I’ve been walking along them. Sometimes I come to a side junction and although it’s tempting to take it I’ve been sticking to the main paths. It seems I need to get the basic pattern of the forest into my system before I branch out. The other thing I’ve been doing is looking down. The path surface is quite rutted and uneven so I’ve been taking care not to miss my footing. I’ve been taking baby steps.

(Grassy path)

That got me thinking….. about creating new behaviours – like taking up healthy eating or even healthy thinking or getting more exercise. When I start something new, I always expect to get it right first time or else I’m really annoyed with myself. I always expect to be as proficient at doing the new thing as I am about thinking about doing it. It might be more useful to take baby steps.

(Uneven path)

So, for example, a possible new behaviour like get more exercise. Before I start I would have to get specific. So, what is the desired new behaviour? I want to walk. How much do you want to walk? Well, I’ve heard that twenty-minute walks are a good start so I want to walk twenty minutes, twice a day. Okay then I begin. The first day always goes well, I’m highly motivated. By day three I’m increasing the time to forty minutes and possibly the frequency to twice as often…. By day twelve I have a list of excuses why I’m not good at exercise and I haven’t been out in days. This is the time for the baby steps.

 

(Path ahead?)

Baby steps are kind and gentle. When the baby toddler stumbles while teetering from chair to chair and falls flat on his face, do you say, You big slob! You’ve been doing this toddler thing for days and you’re still falling! No, but you say it to yourself. You big slob, you haven’t been out for a walk for days, you’ll never get healthy! Baby steps are different. Baby steps say, Ah sweetie, did you find it hard to keep up the walking? Up you get now, go out the door and start again. Baby steps encourage you to do what you can when you can, no more no less and without the mean attitude!

Be nice to yourself, Mairead.

Fear and Hand Holding in Swansea…..

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(Butterfly enjoying the sun)

The last stop on our Round the United Kingdom, Short Motorbike Tour was Swansea. We went there to attend our daughter’s end of year exhibition. Twelve movies in one evening… don’t worry they were short, about five minutes each. Ciara wrote and directed her movie and she also had an acting role. She played a lesbian. The evening before one of her friends asked her if she was afraid that people would think she was gay. She said she had worried about that for the previous six months…. it was too late now. It was more important to get her message out there, afraid or not, other people’s judgements or not.

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(Butterfly enjoying some lavender)

When you want to follow your dream, and live your life with purpose, there are sometimes scary things you’ll need to do. And you’ll wonder if this is a good idea…. this sharing of your dream, your wishes, your message, your contribution to healing the world. What will people think? What will they say? How will they treat you? Will they be different? Will they ever speak to you again? Will they understand? Will their judgement resonate with your own judgement of yourself… and make it impossible for you to continue….. when they think you’re not good enough?

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(Mosaic butterfly in garden at Bloom)

I will include a link so you can watch Ciara’s movie, if you choose. If you do watch you may hear her message. You may understand her message. Or you may miss her message. You may think she is brave. You may think she’s foolhardy.  You may get stuck in wondering if she’s gay or not.  Whatever you get from the watching, one thing I have learned from my judgement of others is that my thoughts and words say more about me than they do about the one I judge. That’s what I got from watching movies on a warm Friday night in Swansea.

What are you saying about yourself? Mairead.

Love Letters, a movie by Ciara Hennessy.

We’re Back in Ireland

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(We didn’t take think it was worth the risk)

We’re back on Irish soil again and for a few days it’s been very hot and sunny. Today is rainy but I have high hopes for tomorrow. I also have high hopes for getting back to regular blog posting. Like any habit, it takes a period of time to build and no time at all to break. Fortunately, I really do want to write so I’m at an advantage when it comes to being willing to build the habit. I’m very willing.

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(Last week in Edinburgh)

I’m at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to actually starting the habit though….. I have a long history of thinking about doing things. Including considering doing things. Then there’s meaning to do things and feeling a bit guilty that I haven’t done them. Followed by downright embarrassed when I’ve completely forgotten to do something and it’s too late to do it then. I feel some of that guilt and embarrassment right now as I ponder my lack of doing and it doesn’t encourage me, no, not one little bit.

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(Right in the centre of the city of Edinburgh there’s a beautiful park)

Fortunately, I’m not going to be putting my attention on the times I didn’t do something, that’ll just get me more of what I don’t want. I’m going to be putting my attention on what I do want – I want to write. Oooh writing. I love to write. It’s just sometimes I forget how much I like it. I forget how it clears my mind and brings me calm. I forget how it makes me feel sparkly inside! I forget how it communicates with me and makes my experiences richer. I forget how it pushes me to complete. To completion, to fulfilment, to creation.

What are you forgetting to do today that makes you feel sparkly inside? Remember! Mairead.

Early morning Bath, England…

Big Bird

(I often see huge birds as we drive along French roads and now British roads but I have never managed to get a picture – it took three drive-bys but I eventually got one picture of this bird of prey on a road in Buckinghamshire)

This has been a very busy trip with only small pockets of time to write. This pocket of time is very, very early. The rules would say it’s too early for a sane person on holiday to be awake. One could conclude I am either not awake, not on holidays or insane… or rules can be broken. We’re in Bath today. This will be our last stop before Swansea. We arrived yesterday about 6pm having instructed the sat nav. to stay off all toll roads, all motorways, all highways and to do so via Oxford. It duly obliged and although by the time we arrived in Bath we had been on the road for seven hours we had travelled through the most beautiful places.

Tea at Polly s

(Iced tea and green tea at Polly’s famous tea shop on Marlborough high street – notice I got two tea pots, one with tea and one with extra hot water – like like like)

Every English television program and every movie I have ever seen must have been set on these roads and I relived my childhood as we rode along. Black Beauty could have trotted up beside us at a crossroads and I would not have been surprised. The two guys from Brideshead Revisited may well have passed us on a straight stretch. I definitely heard the voice of the posh guy in Four Weddings and a Funeral when we stopped for tea on Marlborough high street – could it be the town in Birds of a Feather?

Bath Houses

(Bath is beautiful… we’ll be back)

The journey could not have been more different to the previous day when we instructed the sat nav. to take the shortest route, which turned out to be the A1 – a scary place full of big trucks and fast cars – but very efficient. On that day my knowledge of English geography grew exponentially. Not because we visited any of the places but because I was reading the road signs. We were on a mission to visit Bletchley Park where secret messages were decoded during World War II. There’s a museum of computing there also, because it turns out decoding led naturally to coding and so to computing.

Bath Church

(Didn’t realise it when I was taking the picture but between the wall in the foreground and the cathedral behind are the old Roman Baths, from which the city gets it’s name. Turns out the church owned the baths)

And all that gets me thinking about intention. I’m sitting on the bed in another lovely guest house at 5.30am because when we left Ireland last Thursday I intended to write every day of our trip. We found ourselves on the A1 because we intended to get to Bletchley Park in plenty of time to visit before it closed for the day. We travelled through my childhood television experiences because Denis loves to go round bends on the bike. We found ourselves in Bletchley Park because of all the old computers and strangely we also found ourselves together because of computers. We find ourselves in Bath because my friend, Nolene went there once two years ago on a pastry baking course and when she described Bath combined with pastry making, I was hooked and unconsciously setting my intention to be here.

Every place we find ourselves is because of an intention set, either consciously or unconsciously.

Where do you want to find yourself? Mairead.

Look! It’s the break light!

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(Graffiti in cafe toilet – I didn’t write it)

I’ve uncovered another of my patterns and this one is big (for me). I’ve been working away for the past month on productivity. I’ve read the book, Getting Things Done by David Allen. I’ve had sessions with my friend Ashleigh. I’ve started using the PomodoroPro. I’ve devised a schedule with thirty minute time slots. My diary was full of next thing to do’s. I had three weeks of amazing productivity.

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(Rowing on the Liffey in Dublin, with the Ha’penny Bridge in the background)

And then I crashed. I’ve been tired and motivation-less since last Thursday. I know this is a pattern… it was pointed out to me that I do this regularly. What do I do? I drive myself forward, paying no attention to the vehicle I am driving. I run out of fuel. The vehicle stops. For the duration of my life the vehicle is my body. I do feed my body and lately I feed it well, but I have not been paying attention. A light on the dashboard was flashing and I ignored it. It was the “break” light. When I pay no attention, I don’t know it’s time to rest. To take a break, a siestas, some free time, do some day dreaming, be at ease.

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(Scary but true)

There are probably lots of reasons why this is my pattern. As with all patterns, it starts because it’s necessary and it works. There is a clue as to why it continues. It’s part of my normal thinking, something I didn’t realise….. I think taking a break is unfair, unless you work exceedingly hard and I experience extreme shame when I take a break unless I am exhausted. The good news is that it’s like my “I have to eat meat every day” belief – crazy but normal for me. And as we saw with the meat belief once you become aware of your normal thinking it’s possible to let it go.

I’ll be taking baby steps with this one, step, rest, step, sit down, up we get , step, Mairead.

Happy Pancake

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(Air bubbles in batter…. essential)

I love pancakes! I love making them and I love eating them. They definitely go on my lovely life list and my list of things I love. Today as I write it’s Pancake Tuesday. In many ways Pancake Tuesday is like a little Christmas. A day for eating all the nice stuff because tomorrow we fast. Or at least that’s how I think it used to be, but no one fasts now. So why is Pancake Tuesday still so great?

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(Cracked eggs…. imperative)

When it’s possible to have anything you want it’s very hard to decide what you really want. When you have no choice and you can’t get what you want and there’s probably no possibility of ever getting it… then it’s much easier to decide what you want….

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(Pancake…. perfect)

When Pancake Tuesday was the last day for forty days that you could eat something sweet, that tends to focus the mind… on something sweet. So maybe if you’re having difficulty choosing what you want, it might be useful to go on a decision fast… for forty days (or forty hours or maybe forty minutes). And notice where your focus lands.

You have no choices…. now what are you thinking about? Mairead.

Oranges and Sunshine

(Does that look safe to you?)

We’re going to the movies tonight. To the Mermaid Theatre. Every Monday night it turns into a cinema. The movie is called Oranges and Sunshine. I’ve read the book and couldn’t put it down. It’s about a woman who discovered by accident that little children from Britain were sent to Australian orphanages in the 1940’s, after the second world war. Their parents thought their children had been adopted by families in Britain. The children had been told their parents were dead. She found it difficult to get information but little by little she discovered the details were far worse than anyone realised. It’s a true story.

(More patterns)

Just in case you want to see it, I’ll say no more…. Except, the bit that was by accident is very interesting. She was working as a social worker and she had clients who were adopted and had found or were in the process of finding, or beginning the process of finding, their birth parents. She felt they needed a support group, so she set one up. And it hadn’t been running long when a series of events led to her uncovering the story that’s in the movie.

(Liam brought us a very nice cake box and there was cake in it!)

Anyway, what I find interesting is, this woman didn’t plan to do some great big thing. She was doing her own little thing. Not that setting up a support group is little, it was very helpful to the people in the group. But she ended up being helpful to far greater numbers of people. And if she hadn’t done that first thing……

(No pictures please! How do I convince people they really DO want their picture taken?)

So I was thinking…. there’s probably some small thing calling out to all of us. Some little thing that we’d like to do but we haven’t got the time. Or maybe we think it might be selfish to do it. Or it could be considered a bit silly. But what if doing that little thing could accidentally lead us to uncovering an amazing story…. our story? That’s a nice idea.

Just one small thing, Mairead.

Why are we here?

(More patterns)

I’ve started my de-clutter project. So far my room is beginning to feel clear and un-cluttered….. in one corner. This isn’t going to be a rush job. It took a long time to get this way, it will take more than one day to undo.

I noticed as soon as I got up this morning I was ready to begin and that got me thinking about intention. Intention is very interesting. It’s where you consciously decide how you want to be, or how you’re want a situation to be. Then, it acts as a guiding light drawing you towards exactly that. So in effect yesterday I set the intention of clearing the clutter today. Because I had written about it, it was very clear in my mind what my intention was and it corresponded with what I wanted to happen. Ok, I still had to empty the drawers – it’s not magic but it is easier.

(Hanging around on Bray Promenade)

Each time we get into the car to drive we start off with an intention. To go to work, the shops, the garage, the airport. A long time ago when my daughter was little and I was running late, I drove to the supermarket instead of her play-school. I was thinking of what we needed for dinner. When the car stopped, she said “This isn’t my school, why are we here?”

(And more patterns)

If we do not consciously set the intention then we get the default and what’s worse it’s usually the thing we fear happening. So for example, if you hate social occasions, then the default intention as you enter a party is  something like, “I’m going to hate this.”. You definitely didn’t want that. A more useful intention might be “I’m going to notice people or things I like about this party”. Now your attention has a focus other than your dislike of the situation.

(Somewhere a farmer intends to feed his animals for the winter)

Intention focuses the attention. Do you want your attention to be on what you fear happening? Or what you’d love to happen? What would you love to happen? Put your attention on what you’d love to happen by setting that as your intention. Hint: Start small!

Where are you driving to? Mairead