Be careful with the lettuce….

June 15, 2012June 15, 2012 | Mairead

Hands 2

(Perfect Hands… Granny and grandchild)

I will be giving a talk in Dublin on Tuesday night and one of the sections is about being unique. I was thinking… we’ve heard it all before…. each person is unique. From our finger prints to our retinas to our heartbeats, we’re all different. We even look different. Of course we know this already, it’s normal, ordinary… and so it’s lost. Uniqueness needs to be connected to our everyday life. When I look in the mirror I don’t think about my particular eyes being the only eyes exactly like them on the planet. I’m more interested in what I’m wearing (do my clothes fit in?) How I look? (do I look normal?) Is my hair brushed? (will people think I’m a homeless bum?) Is there lettuce in my teeth? When I look at my hands I don’t notice the intricate patterns that are mine alone.

Hands 3

(Perfect Hands… Aunt and Niece)

We watched a movie the other night about the guy who created the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover. He realised that fingerprints would be a great way to identify law breakers. Before that it was only possible to identify criminals or potential criminals from their photograph and if they were seen in the act of law breaking. But fingerprints are left behind after the person has gone and fingerprints are unique.

Hands 5

(Perfect Hands… artist)

Why would any of us worry about being as good as or as smart as or as pretty as or as successful as anyone else? Do we ever wonder if our fingerprints are “good” fingerprints. Are they smart fingerprints? Are they pretty? Are they successful as fingerprints? Yes, yes, yes, they are perfect fingerprints and only because they are ours. They would not be perfect glued onto anyone else…. they would be counterfeit. Fraud.

Hands

(Perfect Hands…. another artist)

So, as I look in the mirror this morning I will be brushing my hair and extracting lettuce but mainly I’ll be looking for what makes me different; what makes me unique; what makes me a perfect specimen of me. And it’s not just the stuff on the outside that’s unique, it’s a combination of everything about me. A combination of all the things I love, all the things I like, all the things I hate, the way I relax, the way I cry, the way I get mad, the stories that inspire me. Every little thing about me bundled all together is unique and is a perfect me.

Seriously, is there lettuce in my teeth? Mairead.

Fear and Hand Holding in Swansea…..

June 12, 2012June 12, 2012 | Mairead

(Butterfly enjoying the sun)

The last stop on our Round the United Kingdom, Short Motorbike Tour was Swansea. We went there to attend our daughter’s end of year exhibition. Twelve movies in one evening… don’t worry they were short, about five minutes each. Ciara wrote and directed her movie and she also had an acting role. She played a lesbian. The evening before one of her friends asked her if she was afraid that people would think she was gay. She said she had worried about that for the previous six months…. it was too late now. It was more important to get her message out there, afraid or not, other people’s judgements or not.

(Butterfly enjoying some lavender)

When you want to follow your dream, and live your life with purpose, there are sometimes scary things you’ll need to do. And you’ll wonder if this is a good idea…. this sharing of your dream, your wishes, your message, your contribution to healing the world. What will people think? What will they say? How will they treat you? Will they be different? Will they ever speak to you again? Will they understand? Will their judgement resonate with your own judgement of yourself… and make it impossible for you to continue….. when they think you’re not good enough?

(Mosaic butterfly in garden at Bloom)

I will include a link so you can watch Ciara’s movie, if you choose. If you do watch you may hear her message. You may understand her message. Or you may miss her message. You may think she is brave. You may think she’s foolhardy. You may get stuck in wondering if she’s gay or not. Whatever you get from the watching, one thing I have learned from my judgement of others is that my thoughts and words say more about me than they do about the one I judge. That’s what I got from watching movies on a warm Friday night in Swansea.

What are you saying about yourself? Mairead.

Love Letters, a movie by Ciara Hennessy.

Really, Moira, it was no trouble :)

June 10, 2012June 10, 2012 | Mairead

(View from the dart)

Friday was an odd day. I went to Dublin on the Dart. I didn’t bring an umbrella, probably just as well – gusting winds. I didn’t bring a hat, so hair a bit streely (old Tipperary word meaning… well, not good.) On the return journey something on the train line to Greystones broke and I had to get off at Bray, where there was more rain and windy gusts and also some inspiration…..

(Simple Daisies)

It’s the kind of day you should stay home and sit by a warm fire, but two weeks ago I promised my sister I’d deliver something and I hadn’t done it. Oh, it seemed like such a small thing when she asked and it was, I love going into Dublin. It’s just I never got around to doing it (does this remind anyone of the gardening?) I had even begun to get specific, promising that I would do it on Thursday… but I didn’t. So Friday was the day. The Met. Office had issued weather warnings but I’d have to start lying to my sister if I didn’t go now. I couldn’t do that…. could I? No, of course not.

Heart

(The delivery…. “Head over Heels” Alan Ardiff)

Anyway, I went, and on the way home as an announcement proclaimed the broken thing in Greystones I met a young woman. She had been on her way to Greystones too and heard me talking on the phone to Denis (isn’t he great, he offered to pick me up in Bray?) She asked if I could take her from the train into the station. She was blind and didn’t know this station well enough to navigate it on her own. I was inspired by her trust. Not just her trust in me but the bigger trust… her trust in a benevolent world, her trust that everything would be okay enough to go outside and navigate in the dark. Her trust that she would get to her destination. I was also inspired by her willingness to ask for help.

Trust and ask for help… simple. Mairead.

My garden is in the work phase.

June 6, 2012June 6, 2012 | Mairead

(Not my garden… another view of the Birds and Bees garden at Bloom)

The sun is shining and it was very easy to get out of bed, not least because I’m off on an adventure with Ashleigh and Megan today. I’m not too sure where we’re going (the location has changed three times since Monday:)) but I will bring my camera and if there’s any good shots you’ll see them tomorrow. This reminds me of how excited I was to get out of bed when I was pulling weeds in the garden. Since we got back from holidays I kinda forgot about the gardening. I did have a quick dig on bank holiday Monday but for some reason the excitement has gone out of it and all that remains is the work….

(Not my garden yet… also from Bloom)

I do know that I enjoy digging and pulling and planting and watering. I know that I like the colour that appears within days or weeks of sowing and watering a plant. I know there’s huge satisfaction when an area that was overgrown is cleared. It’s just that in this middle phase there’s no excitement and my garden is in the middle phase. The excitement was in the beginning when the possibilities were huge and the work was small. The excitement was in the impact I was making very quickly and….. could more be possible? The excitement was in the energy I had and the energy I was willing to expand.

(Not my garden either… also from Bloom)

Willing to expand energy is a different thing than expanding energy. One is a promise and the other is work. In the work phase the promise comes to haunt me. A promise I made to myself and to others. A promise I see in the before pictures. A promise that I really want to keep, really. In the work phase it’s only this promise that keeps me going. Not going in a light and happy way but in a heavy guilt and shame-filled way.

(Probably never my garden… that’s a rabbit hutch on the left under the raised bed and it leads to a rabbit hole in the middle of the lawn… very cute… from Bloom)

And then I look at my garden and I see no monster forcing me to keep my promise. I see no signs that I will be punished. The garden will carry on as before whether I do the work or not. The plants already sown will flower. The older ones will even search for water on their own. The weeds will thrive again and all will be well in the garden. It is not the garden that pushes me to fulfil my promise, it is myself. My dream, my hope, my intention to have something I want. Somehow I need to let this sustain me in the work phase, guilt and shame-free.

Working it, Mairead.

Happy Birthday Mammy!

June 5, 2012June 4, 2012 | Mairead

Coffee

(This way. This way.)

It’s a bank holiday weekend in Ireland so we celebrated and had our lunch out and now we’re having coffee (for him) and green tea (for me) as well. My sister-in-law (Hi Helen!) thinks I spend all my time in coffee shops and I can see why she might think that – I talk about them a lot. But this week I’ve only had coffee (or tea) out twice. Considering it was a busy week for me that’s probably a lot!

Julie s Garden

(Julie’s favourite garden at Bloom)

When I was littler, maybe about ten, the big treat in our house was for my Mum and me to go on the bus to a town fifteen miles away called Clonmel. I used to think we were there all day but I now know the bus dropped us off at midday and we had to be back on board and heading for Cashel by 3pm. Our town didn’t have the great shops they had in Clonmel. Years later when I met my friend Frieda she told me that she and her Mum used to do the same thing. Except she lived in Clonmel and drove to the great shops in Cashel!

Pepsi Can Eagle

(Pepsi Can Eagle in the Rehab garden at Bloom)

We never left without a visit to the coffee shop. It was in a little room behind a bakery. There was a small window and the chairs weren’t very comfortable, but to me it was luxury. Spending time with my Mum, being treated like an adult eating salad sandwiches and cake. No wonder I love going to coffee shops. We were still making that trip when I was a teenager and much later when my children were toddlers their favourite game with their granny was The Bus to Clonmel, where the sofa was the bus!

Mum and Helen

(My Mum, my sister-in-law Helen and my very embarrassed brother, Lar)

Today (Tuesday) is my Mum’s birthday, she shares the day with the Queen’s Jubilee, but the Queen can’t make it to Cashel this year, maybe it’ll be quieter for her next year. I’m remembering all the nice things my Mum did for me including teach me the value of taking time off to go to the coffee shop.

Thank you Mum and Happy Birthday! Mairead.

Organic Gardening.

May 6, 2012May 6, 2012 | Mairead

Fork

(Tip: Take in your garden tools at the end of the summer)

While I was out in the garden just now, I was thinking about organic change. You might remember the situation with the very tall and healthy weeds in the garden last year? Well… things have changed, the weeds are alive and well and they’ve been having children, so it’s even more densely packed down there. While the weather was cold I was able to ignore the debauchery but it was sunny yesterday. So I went and had a look – it’s bad. For a moment or two I was in despair. But a funny thing happened….

Pot

(Tip: Some pots are not frost-proof)

We went on our Saturday date to a coffee shop that also happens to have a garden centre. While we were wandering among the plants on our way to coffee the beginnings of an old love affair were stirring in my heart. No, I won’t be leaving Denis. It was my love affair with gardening. I had forgotten but the last time the garden was weed-free I had a great time planting and pruning. And before that I remember digging was great for anger! So I bought a bag of compost and a few herbs and when we got home I began gardening. Not the forced gardening where all the weeds must be pulled or dug and the grass must be cut and the hedges must be trimmed today. No, instead, the baby step organic gardening of pots and plants. One by one at my leisure I put the herbs and the compost into some pots. I enjoyed myself for three hours and then spent an hour admiring my work. (I positioned my chair carefully so that I couldn’t see the weeds.)

Veg

(Aren’t vegetables lovely?)

Like forced change, forced gardening is no fun… on the other hand organic gardening is lots of fun. I’m not talking about gardening without chemicals (which I also like..) I’m talking about gardening at your own pace, in your own time, you can even sit down while you do it! When I got up this morning I couldn’t wait to get outside and do some more organic gardening. I didn’t even stop when the rain came. The weeds won’t be cleared in a few days, it’ll probably take a few months, but that just means I’ll have months of fun!

Could this be the start of an organic way of life? Mairead.

Hello blog, whatcha got today?

March 21, 2012April 16, 2012 | Mairead

(Brooklodge Hotel near Aughrim, Co. Wicklow)

Every day to write this blog, I sit down facing a window with a view to the sky. I never know what I’m going to write about. I never know if anything will turn up. I just start writing. There are some things I do know from experience. One, whatever turns up will take an hour to fully form itself on the page. Two, if I worry that nothing will turn up, nothing turns up. Three, if I edit as I go, I end up with a blank page. Four, if I worry that it’s not good enough, I won’t be able to write anything. Five, if I stop to worry that no one will like it, I won’t start up again… some days I don’t.

(Window with sky view)

So my best advice to myself is… just write it… just begin… just keep going… just finish. When I just write it stuff turns up, stuff I didn’t realise was available to me. Then I can get rid of bits and play around with bits and at the end of an hour I have a blog and I’m finished. Today that makes me think this advice could be useful for any endeavour.

(Just make… a cute design in the sugar)

Like the book you want to write… just write it. Like the picture you want to paint… just paint it. Like the workshop you want to attend… just attend it. Like the holiday you want to take… just take it. Like the food you want to cook… just cook it. Like the story you want to tell… just tell it. Like the work you want to do… just do it. Like the self you want to be… just be it… just begin… just keep going… just finish.

Just start, Mairead

So my best advice to myself is… just write it… just begin… just keep going… just finish. When I just write it stuff turns up, stuff I didn’t realise was available to me. Then I can get rid of bits and play around with bits and at the end of an hour I have a blog and I’m finished. Today that makes me think this advice could be useful for any endeavour.

Just start, Mairead

Travel stories

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