awareness

Stuff Happens

| Mairead

(Dogs create stuff)

I have a deadline on Friday to finish an assignment. But I finished it today!  Yippee! Then I read the instructions…… it was the first time I’d read them. They would have been very useful, because they were very clear and detailed about how the assignment should be written. They bore little resemblance to how I had actually written the assignment… aaahhh!.

(Nice stuff)

So I’ve taken a little break, written a colourful synopsis of how that makes me feel, including expletives and gone to the supermarket to get chocolate biscuits. Tomorrow I will re-read the instructions and begin again.

(Birds produce stuff too)

Sometimes stuff happens. It’s not the stuff that’s important, it’s how we deal with it. I’m not exactly recommending expletives and chocolate, but they do help me.

Dealing with my stuff, Mairead.

What’s with all the white vans?

| Mairead

(Aren’t beads lovely?)

We brought an old rusty bicycle to the Happy Pear today. That’s all. Nothing happened. Nothing struck me as interesting or noteworthy. Except……

(How many words can you make out of the letters in the word Private?)

While we were celebrating our generosity with a large latte for Denis and green tea for me a woman came up the stairs with her tray of food. She announced to the room that there was a man clamping cars downstairs in the car park. She was being helpful, in case anyone’s ticket had run out. We still had fourteen minutes on ours. But when we did go down to the car, the “clamper” man was still there.

(There’s a lot of tea in the world)

By now our ticket was on its last minutes, but we still needed to go to the phone shop. So I went to ask the “clamper” man if we could get another twenty minutes of parking or was there a limit. He was getting something from the back of his white van and looked at me with a very confused look, when I asked about the extra time. It was then I noticed Denis was laughing joyfully and pointing to another white van.

(Nice shop)

The man I was talking to was a plumber…… the “clamper” man was in the other white van…..  Silly me!

Beware of the white vans, Mairead.

I know what you mean…..

| Mairead

(Fred among the weeds)

Something funny is happening to my computer today. I think it might need that debugger that Apple were announcing. Funny thing is ….. my cat, Fred, is unwell too….. not too sure what’s wrong, just not himself. It’s funny how when you live with a pet for a while you get to know their personality. Their behaviour. Almost what they’re thinking…..

(Fred knitting)

For example when I get up in the morning, he gets my attention from outside by making rubbing sounds on the window with his paws. As soon as I open the door he leans up against my leg and I rub his head. We walk together to the larder where he meows his wish for me to get his food out. When he’s sure I have the food he runs over to his bowl and waits there for me to catch up. He likes to start with dried food and then follows that with a little packet of fish in gravy. He’s a fish-eating vegetarian… doesn’t like meat.

(Fred considering his next move)

After breakfast he goes for a little lie down on the sofa and for the rest of the day he only comes near me when he wants more food. He doesn’t like being picked up and rarely sits on my knee. When he wants to go outside he walks over to the back door (if he wants to go out the back) or the hall door (if he wants to go out the front). If I haven’t noticed, he walks over to me, gives me the look and then looks at the chosen door. I find it impossible not to jump up and do what he wants.

(Fred checking his mail)

It’s easy to read a cat. Like reading a human, really. Someone gives us the look and we know straight away what it means.

But…. do we?

Maybe not, maybe humans are a bit more complicated than cats (not always as cute but definitely more complicated). Next time a significant other gives you the look, ask them, “Does that look mean….?”. They could surprise you, it might mean something really interesting…… like, “Please open the front door”. That’s what Fred’s look means.

Sorry about the cat photos, Mairead.

Debugger is not a rude word!

| Mairead

(Old door handle at Sheena’s house)

Last Friday night Denis and I sat on the sofa together and watched a session from the Apple Developers Conference. I was not sitting there because I wanted to watch grown men applaud software – it was Denis’ turn to choose a movie…..

(Avoca in Ashford serves Robins too)

But, you know, after a while it started to get interesting. This particular session was about a new debugger. Yes, that’s a real word (isn’t it great, it sounds rude, but it’s completely legal!). A debugger is a software program that helps programmers to de-bug (take out bugs, errors, faults from) the software they are writing. So if you’ve written a piece of software and it’s not doing what you thought it would be doing you use a debugger.  It steps through the lines of code you’ve written and shows you what’s happening, every step of the way. So you can see which line of code caused the problem. Apple have gone to great lengths to add lots of helpful bits to their debugging software, to provide more useful information and to make it even easier to use. And lots of people (well…men) at the conference were very pleased.

(Look! A heart-shaped stone!)

That got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be really helpful if we had a personal debugger. It could be attached to our phones or even better it could fit in our ear….. Then when something we’re not expecting happens, the debugger could replay the scene step by step and we would see what’s gone wrong, and change it.

(Daisies)

So for example: You’re chatting with significant other (could be partner, mother, friend, sibling) and suddenly (or slowly) you realise you are really irritated and you have even begun to say some potentially damaging stuff. What’s more, you’re saying it out loud! The “other” either storms off / says some of their own stuff / starts to sob / looks stunned – take your pick.

(Little kitten legs…. cute)

Wouldn’t it be great at this moment to be able to click the debugger in your ear and find the moment where it all went wrong? Then change that line of code so it wouldn’t go wrong again? We have loads of code in our heads, written by others or written by us for a good reason, at the time, but the time is different now. We are much more intelligent than any computer, so we can debug our own code just by noticing it.

Debug yourself, Mairead.

Morning Pages

| Mairead

(Come on in….)

A long time ago I read the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In it, there’s an exercise called Morning Pages. The idea is that every morning before you do anything else, you take our your A4 pad and your pen and write without stopping for three pages. What do you write? The first thing that comes into your head and if nothing does, you write “nothing is coming into my head” and usually that’s all it takes for something to come into your head!

(Patterns)

I think the rational for this exercise is two-fold. One, it’s practice at writing and two, it clears all the thinking stuff out of your head and onto the page. When the thinking stuff is gone, then there’s space for the good stuff. The good stuff is wise and helpful and intuitive. The kind of stuff that gets buried under the worry and trouble and problems. The whole process  is a bit like weeding a vegetable patch so that your crops can grow.

(Pink geraniums)

I wrote my Morning Pages for at least eighteen months. Clearing the thinking stuff was very useful and of course I enjoyed the writing. But the added bonus was the structure and discipline of daily practice. Practice makes Perfect. In order to become good at something we need practice. That includes being calm or staying grounded or accepting ourselves or living a less is more kind of life or whatever it is that floats your boat! We need to practice…. daily.

(More patterns)

Practice, practice, practice, Mairead.

Why are we here?

| Mairead

(More patterns)

I’ve started my de-clutter project. So far my room is beginning to feel clear and un-cluttered….. in one corner. This isn’t going to be a rush job. It took a long time to get this way, it will take more than one day to undo.

I noticed as soon as I got up this morning I was ready to begin and that got me thinking about intention. Intention is very interesting. It’s where you consciously decide how you want to be, or how you’re want a situation to be. Then, it acts as a guiding light drawing you towards exactly that. So in effect yesterday I set the intention of clearing the clutter today. Because I had written about it, it was very clear in my mind what my intention was and it corresponded with what I wanted to happen. Ok, I still had to empty the drawers – it’s not magic but it is easier.

(Hanging around on Bray Promenade)

Each time we get into the car to drive we start off with an intention. To go to work, the shops, the garage, the airport. A long time ago when my daughter was little and I was running late, I drove to the supermarket instead of her play-school. I was thinking of what we needed for dinner. When the car stopped, she said “This isn’t my school, why are we here?”

(And more patterns)

If we do not consciously set the intention then we get the default and what’s worse it’s usually the thing we fear happening. So for example, if you hate social occasions, then the default intention as you enter a party is  something like, “I’m going to hate this.”. You definitely didn’t want that. A more useful intention might be “I’m going to notice people or things I like about this party”. Now your attention has a focus other than your dislike of the situation.

(Somewhere a farmer intends to feed his animals for the winter)

Intention focuses the attention. Do you want your attention to be on what you fear happening? Or what you’d love to happen? What would you love to happen? Put your attention on what you’d love to happen by setting that as your intention. Hint: Start small!

Where are you driving to? Mairead

Pause between the Cycles

| Mairead

(Raspberries in Liam and Kate’s garden)

Today I’m doing housework. Sitting here on the sofa, squashed up between the upside down side tables, the books and the cushions, it looks like I’ve been very busy. I like this moment. Before everything goes back in its place. If someone walked in now they would think I was a great housewife (as long as they didn’t notice me sitting down).

(Seemingly Lavender keeps the flies at bay?)

There’s a similar moment when I do the ironing (which I love doing). The moment when the shirts hang crease-less, the t-shirts and jeans stand in their towers, and the sheets, duvet covers and pillowcases look like they’ve just come from the shop. I make this moment last as long as possible. Sometimes, it’ll be days later when I put away the finished ironing. Until then I’ll smile inwardly every time I see it. Of course, the longer that moment takes, the longer it will be before the cycle begins again.

The cycle of washing, drying and ironing.

(Wrinkles on the old tree – beautiful)

Breathing is a bit like that. We breathe in……… we breathe out…….. we pause….. Then the cycle begins again. The pause is like noticing the ironed clothes and smiling inwardly. Notice it!

Breathe, Mairead.

I (almost) like book-keeping!

| Mairead

(Garden chair in dry weather – not as nice as when it’s wet – isn’t rain great?)

Since coming back from holidays, things have been different. Well, nothing has changed, but …. something is different. Take the book-keeping (balancing bank accounts, paying tax etc.)…..

Ever since I started helping Denis with the book-keeping I’ve hated it. Really. Hated it. I think it’s mental….. as in I’m thinking fearful thoughts about it. It’s a physical thing too, because it feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders and another heavy weight in my stomach. Not much fun at all. As the date for sending something, anything, to the tax man draws nearer the weights get heavier. The thoughts get a bit heavier too.

(An old bench in the back garden)

This seems to have the same effect as trying (so they may be related) – everything takes much longer, more mistakes are made and it’s no fun… none… at all.

(The garden shed)

But then last year we found a lovely calm accountant (Hello Clodagh!) and I can ask her questions and she can fix my mistakes and she knows what she’s doing – always useful. So everything was great for a while. No more fear of the tax man. No more worries about mistakes. Someone knew what they were doing. Yet…. there was still something heavy in me.

I still hated the book-keeping.

(I love material, sigh…)

But since coming back, the book-keeping is different. Well…. no it’s not different but the way I think about it is different. In the first week back I heard myself say about it to Denis, “this is easy” (he was too surprised to react). By the second week, it had got a bit harder but something had shifted in me, because I wasn’t so heavy. And this week I find myself wanting to hate the book-keeping but not feeling it! While I still don’t like it, I no longer have the heavy weights and mostly my thoughts about it are hopeful and extraordinarily light.

(The garden gate)

I notice I have a pattern of acting and thinking in a particular way in relation to the book-keeping and I haven’t let that go….. yet. Funny thing is, I’m noticing this pattern in other areas too…… The thing we think of as a problem is only a waving flag. There are no problems only flags, waving at us to wake up!

Wake up, all is well, Mairead.

Pictures and Patterns.

| Mairead

(Slats of a garden chair in the rain)

About six years ago I saw a program on TV about photography. It had an expert photographer and three newbies who wanted to learn. The program was only thirty minutes long but it made a lasting impression on me.

Don’t know the name of the expert, but he made the process of photography seem easy, maybe because he talked about patterns. Patterns that we pass everyday and don’t notice. Like a line of trees or the wooden poles in a banister or the groves on a deck. I love patterns, so I notice them.

(Fisherman’s huts – now gone – at Greystones Harbour)

Patterns of behaviour are harder to photograph. But no less beautiful to notice. Like the pattern to say Yes when we want to say No. Really beautiful. A lot of work went into creating that pattern. It is truly a work of art…. unless you don’t want it!

A year after that program I needed to find some project that I wanted to do and I remembered the photography and started to take photographs for myself. Even though I’ve been to classes I still don’t understand all the numbers and buttons on the back of the camera. But that doesn’t take away from the pleasure.

(Hexagonal basalt rocks at the Giant’s Causeway, Co. Antrim)

You don’t have to understand how you got a pattern of behaviour in order to change it. Not understanding doesn’t take away from the pleasure of noticing and letting it go.

(Grooves on the wet deck)

Notice the Patterns! Mairead.